Single during New Year's Eve

Ladies, ladies, ladies...if you are sad because you don't have a special someone to spend NYE with, then you better check yourself. People get too caught up in the mindset of being with someone "just to have someone", especially for the holidays. Let's fallback and recollect this mindset for a minute. First, celebrating NYE alone can be a good thing because we are bringing it in with someone we love, ourself, and there is nothing more real than that. Remembering to love ourselves with a strong imposition on knowing that we do NOT need a man to make us happy and our happiness does not stem from a man, but within ourselves is a powerful mindset. With that, start your New Year off with that powerful mindset instead of a self-pity one. Again, let me state, start your New Year thoughts with a powerful mindset. Your thoughts, your intuition, your brain is a powerful entity that we need to respect and hold value to it. Our value involves how we think about ourselves and please do not bring that negative energy into YOUR New Year. Be positive. Bring light. Be patient. Also, understanding the notion of timing is important. Meaning, you were JUST not meant to be with someone at this point of your life. When it is your time, it will happen. I remember when I was doing my PhD work and it took me 6 years to complete my program. I was down and out by being hard on myself when I was at year 5 and told my male relative, "Man, I've been in this program for  5 years and I'm still not done." My relative told me, "It's not your time for whatever reason, be patient, it will happen when it's your time." What do you know, year 6 I graduated and got an amazing postdoctoral fellowship working under the second best researcher in the world at UCLA School of Medicine. I believe the same will happen with me and my future partner. I believe I will be with someone who is the best for me. In the meantime, my date tomorrow will be one of my besties. We will laugh, dance, drink and make amazing memories that we will share for the rest of our best lives! Cheers my sisters! Let's toast with optimism and powerful thoughts to the New Year! -Love Peace and Frybread Grease from your single and fabulous Native Sister!

Merry-Go-Round

Females, when you are seemingly immune to relationships because "you good." Maybe "you good" because you've been single for so long, not looking, have found a comfortable formula for getting yours, have not been emotional available. We get it, "you good." There's no pressure from your inner self, from your family and external persons to get involved in a relationship...you just know that "YOU GOOD." Then men seem to gravitate towards that -self confidence, self goodness, self I don't need a man- type vibe meaning that you're not giving them the standard male perception of female standard "pressure." They state how much they like your "Man Like" traits by not being too emotional. Then, they become insecure because you're too "Manly" emotionally because you're not trying to catch feelings and/or be in a relationship. Then men get engaged, intrigued, and maybe even "challenged." SO men give you all their attention and you give into their engagement, intrigue-ness, attention and then you become "real." The transition is likely to happen. And because the dude has consistently conveyed he liked you all this time for your dude like characteristics and then after all that you  start to show some type of emotion, then he does not like you no more after all that. He then proceeds to portray you as "those" normal females at the end of the day, after ALL that. Isn't this a merry-go-round? All I can do is laugh at this scenario my sisters.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder, jini'

Although I agree wholeheartedly with your comments, I think the Native community needs to be aware of NPD. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have been with my Native man for 39 years it wasn't until 2012, I realized he was not the man I married. Clean cut, handsome, very stable, a hard worker. As the decades have passed and our children, grandchildren were no longer in need of a caregiver. My disabled brother regained enough strength to live on his own. My parents long since passed on along with my aunt who had no children of her own. I learned words such as "gaslighting" "covert narcissism" "hovering" "crazy making" the list goes on. I always pushed back the feelings I had after each shouting match. I read something early this morning that explained emotional abuse very clearly for me. This is for adults because children it is different. There is an unwritten contract between the victim and abuser. The abuser projects onto the victim his/her hurts. See the abuser REALLY BELIEVES their small problem was made much bigger by the victim. The victim feels they need to help the abuser to feel better. That is the victim's role to help the abuser change. But the abuser will never change or at least the cards are stacked against them. This type of abuse is growing in America. I plan on researching why, see I have four grandchildren that need to be aware of such trickery. There are many books, facebook pages & live groups to join. The victims of this type of abuse are severely emotionally, mentally and physically adhered for life. I suffer from chronic pain, multiple sclerosis, arthritis, depression and anxiety. Now looking back I wonder all the operations, pills, chemo, IV drip therapies, counseling sessions, and PTSD were from nearly four decades of physical and emotional abuse. Please google these keywords and go into the light of all the therapies and groups that are listed. You will learn that it isn't you! It never was you! It has nothing to do about you!

I did not write this post above. A person who read my blog and posted on it the comments section wrote this piece above responding back to a blog I wrote discussing Native women feeling unworthy in relationships. 

However, this blog above touches on very important points of red flags. When the abuser makes you feel like the abuser while making himself the victim. This is so real! Have you ever dated a dude that no matter what, he made you feel like you're trippin'? Ok, sometimes ladies, let's be real, at times we do and those are valid. However, have you ever dated a dude who CONSISTENTLY made you feel that you were trippin'? Ok, that's a red flag (mmmhmmm). I'm having flashbacks of my experiences. Emotional abuse is REAL. We need to recognize those acts and not make excuses. She stated her adverse physical health conditions. Mind you, our stress manifests itself in many ways, and impacts on our physical health is a real outcome of bad relationships, whether it is romantic, work related, family, etc...Unhealthy relationships, no matter what type, are red flags.

The woman above used terms, such as  "gaslighting" and "covert narcissim" which are all valid terminology. However, to keep it simple and basic as a mothafucker, if the relationship makes you sad-cry-question-doubt-depressed-etc, then listen to your gut instinct, because you're probably right! Listen to yourself. Bottom line, you'll know the boundary of relationships if the bad outweighs the good. You'll know. Trust yourself. Don't doubt yourself. Until next time ladies - Love, Peace, and Mutton Grease!

Being Single and Fabulous

First off I have to say I"m sorry I have not posted in a minute. My fellow women who follow my blog have been asking me to write something as y'all apparently love this blog thing I do, and I'm very appreciative!

I'm sitting here reflecting on my life by a white sandy beach, clear blue water, and (OH!) don't forget the mimosa in my hand ladies. WOW! I must say my life has been a roller coaster of interesting and also...I don't know the word for this but a single woman adventure. You see, I have worked/lived in dual cities since 2016, for 3 years now. First at UCLA in Los Angeles and now at University of West Florida in Pensacola, FL. I have spent a lot of time alone while living and traveling between two cities for work. Through this time I have found out a LOT about myself.
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By the way, a brief moment of my past. I remember when I was a BROKE-ASS college student at ASU at the age of 20 something, and barely had $20 to my name, I was driving in downtown Phoenix in my Honda Accord. I saw a red Mercedes Benz next to me at the red light. I thought to myself, "I want a Mercedes, my dream car, I will get one - one day, I will not be broke, and I will make it, and when I do, I'm buying me a Benz." Today, I own both a Benz and a Jaguar and a house. (Disclaimer: This is NOT about bragging, it's about going through a REZ journey and believing you CAN do it too!). Believe me I worked and still work my a** off to be able to do what I do, and still have visions for myself to be more successful. This vision doesn't stop.

1. I enjoy my own company and I am my own best friend. Being alone as much as I am, I have in a way no choice but to enjoy myself. I take myself out to dinners, concerts, shopping sprees, extravagant travels, and buy myself expensive things like a Jaguar. I sometimes think how a Native girl like me made it to live the life I live now? I often think it's surreal.

I remember when I was living in LA, Jill Scott had a concert at the Hollywood Bowl and no one could/wanted to go with me. (P.S. I"m a huge Jill Scott fan!) So I took an uber to Hollywood Bowl as I knew I would have wine at the concert. And my uber driver was pretty hot and we talked a lot and we exchanged numbers, LOL, which is besides the point. I went to the concert, ALONE, and sat by two wonderful people, a Black mom and her daughter. I ended up becoming friends with them and so I never felt alone. The air was perfect because it's an outside venue, Jill Scott was perfect because - she just is -, my unknown befriended company was perfect, my wine was perfect - Merlot -, and my uber drive was perfect because he was fine. This is a perfect example of a "Bushy date." My advice to women are just enjoy being alone, being single isn't a negative thing! In fact to me, I'm living my best life ladies!

2. Dating. When you're single, confident, and comfortable in your own BROWN, NATIVE skin, men notice! Well, let me say this correctly, non-intimidated, confident men notice (those are the kind we want ladies)! You attract what you give off. There's energy that you exude that let men know you're confident, you're comfortable being alone, you don't necessarily need them, and you being happily single lets them be more honest. When men find you exude an amount of neediness, insecurity (financially or emotionally), etc..I feel they are more prone to take advantage of that- and they will - (those conniving bastards).

My premise of this blog is it's okay to be single, go out and enjoy yourself and don't feel insecure about having dinner alone, going to concerts alone, going to clubs/lounges alone, traveling alone! Do you BOO's! -Love, Peace, and Mutton Grease