I
was sitting alone broken-hearted. There was loud silence that filled the
outside physical space as I starred at the walls in my apartment. I felt numb
as tears rolled down my eyes. I felt helpless. So helpless that I felt I
couldn’t control this empty-empty space I felt so deep that I felt it consumed
my soul at that time. He was gone and he took my heart with him. I searched for
answers but there were nowhere to be found. I searched for warmth but it was
nowhere to be found. I sat in my apartment crying all alone with no family or
friends in 200 mile vicinity to try to comfort me or to talk to. I was literally
alone. All I could do was peel myself off the floor, get some cedar, smudge,
and pray from the bottom of my soul as I cried. That’s the only way I knew how
to deal with such pain my heart felt…was to pray.
That
moment I described to you was a time years ago when I was going through my
worst break-up I’ve ever had experienced thus far. You see, I was broken. I
didn’t know how I would make it through that one, but years later, I reflect
back, and I did. I couldn’t see through the clouds at the time…I just tried to
make it minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day at a time. They say when
you experience a break-up, it’s similar to mourning a loss, because you
experience all the stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and
acceptance.
This
past Sunday, I was getting ready for NFL football, and I happened to switch it to
the channel of Joel Osteen’s sermon. I never watch sermons or I never went to
church. But the first few words of his speech caught my attention. He was talking
about “dark places.” He said there are certain things you can only learn in the
dark places. He said when he was experiencing his dark place, he never prayed
so hard, in his life. He said those dark places are blessings, because they
make you strong, you build character, therefore, they’re teachings. It is
within those dark places that you practice your spiritual muscles in a deeper
way. And those dark places make you who you are created to be. Also, he said if
you feel you have lost something or someone, there is something new and better
coming into your life to replace what you lost.
I
reflect back to my hardest break-up and connect it to his (Joel Osteen) words. Through
that dark experience, I learned a lot. Words can’t describe my teachings
because there were so many. It did make me stronger. I bring all this up now to
say I’m letting a certain individual go out of my life that I have let consume
my energy for far too long. Although this division is not as intense as the break-up
I first described, letting go of someone can still hurt. I posted this quote on
FB earlier today, which stated, “The more
chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you.
They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another
chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know
no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your
forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.”
Everything
we experience does not happen on accident. Whether good or bad, it is
purposeful to lead you on your life path you are supposed to be on. I need to
learn how to let-go of people who serve me no positive energy, maybe this is my
teaching for the time being. If you’re going through a similar situation,
remember it is all for the better. And while you may be hurting, it is
preparing for something bigger and better.
