Keep it Movin'?

This could be hard to explain and there are a lot of grey areas, definitely! This opinion could go either way. In my state, I cannot put up with a lot of bullshit anymore from men. For instance, as stated previously, if someone says/does something extremely minimal I don’t like, I may give them one or two chances to bounce back, and if something minor happens again, I’m out! I feel I am done with games or stupid-ness, I’m grown and so are you, so we both know s’up! I’m dating men who are supposedly “grown” at this point. So, if you are doing some stupid shit as this age then it’s on purpose and that’s cool, but I’m out. I have a friend/acquaintance I knew for about 9 months. We watched sports and kicked it with mutual friends since last fall. This dude tells me he’s always liked me but never acted on it. So all of a sudden we have been kickin’ it hard! We have been inseparable since. However, one glitch, he was extra flirty with some female “friends” up in my face tonight. Mind you he’s not my official man. But, we have been kickin’ it hard. So I confronted him and in a nice way to say, “Hey, that’s not cool, I know you are not my dude like that but I’m in your presence, so be respectful, mindful I am here, and have some tact. If that’s what you want to do then I’m cool with that too, then do you, and I’ll do me.” He apologizes and says that was not cool, but made a comment saying I was acting a little “crazy”. This made me look at him sideways. I tell him I am not acting “crazy” that I checked you and thought and told him why you putting this on me?! I told him if I did the same stuff then he would feel disrespected and I DO NOT do being disrespect anymore, even if it is a small flirtation. I told him how I felt in a respectful demeanor, no drama or cussing or extra stuff, but just in a conversation. I don’t know if I went too far or am in a state to where I’m like F it and keep it movin’. I feel heartless. I feel I have no room for bullshit regardless.  I take this behavior as b.s. because we have been in the dating game way too long for any grown person not to know what disrespectful is or not. I do not have to explain this to you. Common sense right? OR am I just being too hard? Regardless I am done. Keepin’ it movin’…again. 

Our first relationships

Over the weekend we had a dialogue at our “Southern Nevada Teen Pregnancy Prevention” instructor training. The dialogue consisted of how/why fathers are so pertinent for their daughters prosperity in terms of relational development. It made me think of what my homeboy told me one time, “A boys first girlfriend is his mother and a daughters first boyfriend is her father.” SO TRUE! If you look back upon one of my previous blogs titled “Importance of fathers”, I spoke a lot about how my father was influential in shaping my life. However, I did speak in more of a practical sense and not in how it relates to my romantic relationships. A male (my dad) in my life showed me unconditional love. Therefore, when I got older I became confident that I did not need a man to fill a void in my life and seek love out in an unhealthy demeanor. I do not need a man to define me. I am not co-dependent upon men: emotionally, financially, or physically. I feel a lot of those things are because I had a father to teach me love from a father to his daughter. Matter of fact I am still daddy’s girl. My dad gives me money because he wants to, not because he has to or that I need him to. My dad has always been employed and has been an awesome provider for me growing up. My dad still spoils me. So now I am internalizing those traits and looking for my future life partner to do the same. My father set the precedence on how unconditional love from a man feels and looks like.

Also, I am keen to bullshit. I can sense some male bullshit from a mile away because my dad taught me how sneaky men can be because my dad is a bachelor for life (lol). For instance, I was at a casino yesterday and this girl was talking about how she sweatin’ this dude and he only calls her when it’s convenient for him and she’s getting tired of the ‘games’. I told her at this point, were grown. I’m 33 years old and I have no time for games. If I get red flags that a dude is not feelin’ as much or more than me, then I’m cool. I will emotionally/mentally check out because I don’t have time for no games. I chalk it up to if you like me, I will know and I will not question it. If you don’t, you don’t, and that’s cool, no harm-no foul, I will keep it movin’. Plus, I don’t NEED love from anyone who’s unworthy anymore.

When talking about teen pregnancy prevention, a lot of these teen girls are seeking love because of the lack of fathers in their lives. They had no one to teach them what love from a man feels and looks like, so they subject themselves to unhealthy behaviors or mindsets. I feel for these young girls today that are in that situation. We deal with relationships by the way we were raised, period. We all stem from Native communities so this is common sense. I hope the men that are reading this and not a part of their children’s lives can try a little harder to spend time with their children because whatever is lacking emotionally/mentally from their lives, they could find an unhealthy outlet.

Background, Credit, and STD check!

To date nowadays I feel I need to have the suitor take a background, credit, and STD check (lol). Some people may be offended, but hey, I feel it’s the way of the world. I have dated men with poor credit and have a criminal background, which I’m not knockin’ but I’m tired of it. I told my homeboy one time over the phone that any male I date needs to have a credit score of 700+ (lol)! Not because I am a gold-digger but a good credit score tells me a lot about a person. It tells me you are financially responsible and probably more financially stable. It means I do not have to co-sign for anything all the time as well if we were ever to get serious. It means if I decide to marry you then my credit score will NOT go down. It means WE can buy that house or car or whatever we want without having to worry about if we will get denied or who’s name will it go under. I mean this is real shit going on here. So many issues within relationships entail finances. Believe me, I know, because financial issues always played a part in most of my past relationships and I always got frustrated. So now, I decided to date men that may be financially compatible with my means although I am still a broke Ph.D student (lol). But, that’s all relative now. I’m broke now so I can be not broke later, well that’s the plan at least. In terms of a criminal background, well, that kind of goes hand-in-hand with responsibility and financial responsibility. I’ve dated men with criminal history and it made it much more difficult for them to find a job. No job equals poor credit. Also, because I work in the field of public health and directly with HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted infections, and teen pregnancy prevention I am aware of the statistics, therefore and everyone should have their partner checked to be on the safe side.

This past week I ran into an acquaintance I see at a local bar I frequent. This guy is kind of annoying but I still chop it up with him anyways. Into our conversation I tell him that moving forward every man I date needs to have a background, credit, and STD check (but half way joking).  Then he asks me if I was dating anyone and I told him “yeah, I’m talking to this doctor guy who has no kids and good credit.” This guy says, “Your not the only one he’s dating”. After that he went in on me and told me he does not like my hair dark because I looked ‘gloomy’ and I looked better with blonde hair among other things that were plain rude. I guess I offended him with my comment that I made and he probably got mad because he was trying to holla at me and with that one sentence he knew I would never go there with him lol! But as a Native girl, sometimes I feel we sell ourselves short in terms that we lower our standards due to self-doubt that transcends into every part of our lives. I mean some of us do not demand more. Demand more of ourselves and of our partners or future partners.