Discussion with your partners about HIV & STIs

I’ve met a lot of people who stated they don’t think about having an initial discussion about sexually transmitted infections and HIV/AIDS when they engage in sexual relationships or when they begin a relationship. A lot of people may think it’s hard to bring up THAT discussion because of the “uncomfortableness.” I mean what do you ask and how do you ask it? Do you ask questions like: How many partners have you had? Have you ever been tested? If so, when? If not, will you? Most Native people seem to be a bit shyer than others about certain things, especially talking about sex because of the taboo in our community. Also, the women are more assertive and men are less assertive. In light of today being National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, I encourage my ladies to take charge of your own bodies and your own sexual relationships. First, I encourage you to get tested! I know this may be scary but it’s always good to know your health status. Second, I encourage you to go buy condoms! Even if you’re not going to engage in sexual activity, but there will be a time when you do, so even if you’re currently not engaging in sex, go through the experience of buying condoms. Because I know most women feel this is a “man’s” job to do so and depend on the “man” to have condoms. Why can’t “we” carry our own condoms around and know we are equipped. Let’s get comfortable with us going into the store and buying condoms and have them. I feel this gives us self-responsibility and self-empowerment to know, regardless, we are safe. Third, have a discussion with your partner or future partner about getting tested. Personally, this is a requirement for me, for my significant other to get tested before any sexual activity transpires between us. I work in the trenches of sexual health and believe me, if you knew what I know, you would require everyone to get tested too. Since I work in the field, it’s a lot easier for me to have these discussions and make my significant other get tested if they want to be with me. If you’re not ready to have this discussion but you want to engage in sexual activity, then simply have him strap it up EVERY time or use a dental dam  (female oral sex protector) if your with a female, and no unprotected oral sex to ensure you are being the safest you can. If you want to have a discussion with your partner but you’re not sure how or what to say, follow this script below:

US: I really like you and I am interested in taking our relationship further, but I would like us to get tested before we do. I don’t feel comfortable us engaging in sexual activity if we don’t know each other’s status. (But make sure you go together, hear your results together, OR you see his paperwork with his name on it. Don’t get his/her word only. You need evidence!!)

If your significant other doesn’t agree or doesn’t want to, you can’t MAKE them. But, to me that’s always been a red flag because they either have something to hide, or they don’t respect themselves or you enough to get tested. SO, I say keep it movin’! OR you can ensure that you both use protection in all sexual acts every time as the other option. However, that may be a risk because the more you engage in sexual activity with that person, the more apt you may be likely tobecome more comfortable and let your guard down after time passes. I encourage all my Native gals to take a stance and become responsible for and with our bodies! We are strong women and state our mind in all arenas in our life, why can’t we include it in our sexual life???!!!!!!!!  

Healthy Conflicts (Navajo teaching/story)

So, this has kind of been my theme over the past couple of weeks, “Healthy Conflict.” For one part of my dissertation project I adapted an HIV, sexually transmitted infections, and teen pregnancy prevention curriculum so it is culturally appropriate for Native youth and I touched on healthy conflicts within relationships. I told my Native teens that when you put two different people together, there’s bound to be conflict, and conflict is healthy because it’s a natural process of being in a relationship. Every relationship is bound to come across some type of conflict, whether it’s friendships, family, or intimate relationships! I incorporated this Navajo story within my adapted curriculum to help teach them in a culturally appropriate demeanor that within our culture, there are teachings about “healthy conflicts.”

 [Navajo Tribe]

Monster Slayer (The Twin Brother of Born-for-Water, sons of Changing Woman and the Sun), made preparation for the inhabitants of this earth. He killed all the monsters, everything that would prey on the people. When he thought he had got rid of all the monsters that would be deadly to the people, that would devour the people, he thought he had finished his role and he was coming back to his home on that little mesa that is the cradle of our origin.

 Then he met someone and asked him, “I thought I killed all the enemies of the people. Are you still alive, or where did I dodge you?” then he found out this was Poverty. “No, grandchild, I don’t want to be killed,” Said Poverty. “If you kill me, then it will be the end of humanity, because you will have no knowledge of the needs, the necessity of one another, and the urge to do things for yourself and others. I should be here, and it will help you to develop compassion for one another. There will be need, there will be necessity, there will be the urgency to do things for yourself and for those around you because you are a human and you have certain needs. Your moccasins will wear away and there is a necessity that you get new moccasins. It develops your mind that you have to acquire and look for those things you need and others need. If you kill me, you will be like the rest of the animal world, without compassion for your fellow man and concern for yourself. You, as a human, should retain me. But I’m not the only one. There are four of us all in this category.” The first one that he met, he didn’t kill-he didn’t kill Poverty. He didn’t kill the need. He saw that man needed poverty to be humble and to be concerned with the needs of others as well as himself.

 He met another one-as the first one stated, there were four of them. He met the second person, The Sun God boy says, “I thought I killed all the monsters that would be killing the humanity on this earth, but I notice that you’re still alive.” The answer came that he didn’t want to be killed because “I have a definite purpose to live and to stay with you.” He found that it was Hunger. “Because I must have a place in your life to bother your stomach. When your stomach becomes empty, you will feel that you’re hungry and you will think, develop your mind about how to get food. You will become industrious and stop being lazy. You will go out and look for game or into the fields to get the crop. I have a definite purpose to live with your people. Without me, you will be lazy and couldn’t develop the qualities of mind and strength you should have for the world.” So that’s the second person he let go. Hunger was not killed. The Spirit of Hunger was not destroyed. It was left purposely to remain with us to make us work.

 Then he went ahead and he met the third person. He asked him the same question. “I thought I had killed all the enemies of humanity. Are you still around here? How was it I missed you?” He found that it was fatigue. Every night we should go to sleep. It’s a must if we are not to forget the world of the spirit. We have to have the sleep to be in good health. “If you kill me,” said Fatigue, “You will never rest. You have to have your sleep each night to replenish both your physical and spiritual strength. Without sleep man would forget the spirit and be aware of only the physical world. If you kill me, that will be the end. Your eyes will dry up. You won’t get the necessary rest to continue your life.” So he didn’t kill him. He let him abide with humanity. But there is an extreme to that thing, too. If you do nothing but sleep and sleep, you’ll die of poverty. You’ll be lazy and die of want. It is part of the life necessity to sleep, but if you continue to do nothing but sleep, you’ll fall into the hands of hunger which forces you to work. He let Fatigue go because it was necessary that he be retained as a help to humanity.

 He went on again and met the fourth person. He told him the same thing, “I thought I had killed all the enemies of humanity, and here you are. “You’re still alive.” He found it was Body Lice. He wanted to kill him, but the Body Lice also has a purpose. Without lice, people wouldn’t bother to keep clean. When people come together to come each other’s hair, it’s kind of a leisure period for them. Those periods, they’ll be talking about something that happened with the community. It serves a purpose that they have the time to visit. Body Lice forces people to make an effort to keep clean and to be sociable. So he wasn’t killed either. Body Lice he let go, to abide with humanity. Four of those, as a group, were given freedom to operate in their sphere. By viewing this legend, we know that it definitely has purpose. It is a problem-how to combat the needs in a person’s life, how to think of others, what to wear, what to eat. Is he tired? Does he need that rest? Does he need that cleanliness? To my knowledge, it is those things that are an aid to humans to force us to think, to act. I think it was well that they were spared otherwise our efforts for the needs of the human race would have dried up. –Navajo

 The point of this blog is to state that EVERY relationship will encounter conflicts and it’s how you deal with them that can make or break the relationship. Our conflicts are needed for us to grow and evolve individually and in the relationship as a couple. There is a balance to everything!!