Experience

As I stand by the bar, I get approached by some random non-Native guy. Shortly into our conversation, he asks “What are you?” If I can get a $1 for every time I had to answer that question I think to myself.
Because I frequently get asked this question whether I’m at Subway or at a club, or whether I am in Arizona or in New York City. I entertain myself by asking right back, “What do you think I am?” I have gotten every racial/ethnic background imaginable, but the most common ones are: Asian mixed with something else, Black mixed with something else, or Latina mixed with something else. I have had 2 people in my lifetime guess Native American; 1 guy selling CD’s in mid-town Manhattan and the other at a bar/restaurant in Atlanta. I find it funny that every one seems uncomfortable about racial ambiguity. From my personal perspective, I find it very annoying when I say I am full-blooded Native American and the person who asks about 95% of the time says, “I’m part Cherokee” or “I’m part Indian too, but I don’t know my tribe!” I get annoyed but then I feel bad because I feel that they have a certain confusion about whom they are and where they come from. By me being Native; I start to think that although I am not currently living on the Rez, I am still whole-heartedly a Rez girl. I think about how “us” rez girls grew up and our men around us. I’m not putting down our Native men nor am I saying that there are absolutely zero good Native men, but I known plenty of women who have grown up around broken homes and/or marriages. Our men, although we love them very much, have made our moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, and nieces go through many hardships; domestic violence, men being alcoholics, men cheating, men going into the prison/jail system, jobless, cheating, and THE god’s gift to earth syndrome. I personally feel a lot of our men have endured so much from colonization. But, there is no excuse for some of the things they put us through. I know a lot of my fellow tribal women feel they have to stay so I leave that upon them to make their choice. But, as Native women, it’s hard for us to learn what a “healthy” relationship is and what that may consist of based on our family and friends experiences. Can you as a Native woman tell me that your parents and most of your friend’s parents have established and maintained a “healthy” relationship? I must sadly that this illusion is few and far between as a Native women. What happened to our tribal stability that starts with familial stability? In a lot of cases, it was downhill when colonization, assimilation hit our communities by “trying” to break our spirit, which in a way they did. That must be a large reason why we have; broken families, highest high school drop out rate out of any racial/ethnic group, highest poverty rate out of any racial/ethnic group, and healthy disparities. One by one I will touch on men and their discrepancies and ours as well. What do you think?

Introduction

As I was starring at my eyebrows looking for those pesky little hairs to tweeze I started to take a deep look at myself. It’s a well known fact that I am a woman. But, there’s much more to me than that, which I’m sure every female is aware of their personal uniqueness: good or bad. I resume back to what makes me the “core” of my inner-self. I am a Navajo woman. For centuries, the Navajo people, especially the women have displayed the true essence of strength and resiliency. We survived the “Long Walk” in 1864 in which the US government made thousands of Navajo people walk 300 miles to Fort Sumner in New Mexico. We were forced to leave our homeland and to leave the protection of the Four Sacred Mountains. We were forced to live in starvation, to live in diseased living conditions, and to live inhumanely. We survived as a Nation and eventually returned back to our original homeland. As Native people we survived genocide, cultural assimilation and relocation that have occurred since 1492. Although we still face tremendous disparities in every facet imaginable, our spirit is not broken. I am proud to say that our tribal people overcame many obstacles and we still remain culturally and spiritually connected to our heritage. With that being said, through my dating experiences, there are often reoccurring statements I hear, such as: “Native women are mean”, “Native women are stubborn”, “Native women are hard to date”, “Navajo women are the meanest”, or “Crystal, why are you so aggressive?”, “Crystal, you are not the easiest person to date”. My list of phrases can go on and on, but I assume you get the point. Now, referencing back to what makes us “Native”, we have incorporated all the strength and resilience our ancestors had to endure because it runs through our blood. Most Native American tribes are matriarchal. We trace our lineage through our mother and we hold honored places in our tribes. We have no choice but to be strong; to be strong for ourselves, our families, and for future generations. It’s safe to say I find it annoying when men say things like that. I find that they are intimidated by our strength because their weaknesses are highlighted and we let them know what their weaknesses are. We let them know, not because were “mean”, but because we deserve the best and we expect our men to step up to the plate. We may not communicate it the best sometimes, but being blunt about things is in our nature. Ladies, what do you think? I will be back soon to talk about many more topics about us and dating/relationships.