I am privileged

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is motivational theory in psychology consisting of a five stage hierarchical model of human needs. For those of who went to college, we can probably remember this basic theory in Psych 101. Maslow (1943) theorized that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and some needs are more “important” than others.

This five-stage pyramid model indicates that the first four levels are referred to deficiency needs and the top level is known as growth needs (McLeod, 2016). The deficiency needs are theorized to motivate people when they are unmet and those unmet needs to be fulfilled; and the longer they are not fulfilled the stronger they become (i.e., the longer a person does not drink water they more thirsty they become). In addition, one must satisfy stage one before progressing to meet stage two, and so forth. Through life experiences (i.e. loss of job, death in family) people may move through the hierarchy uni-directional moving up and down through the pyramid.

The 5-stage original hierarchy of needs five-stage model are:

1. Biological and Physiological- air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep  

2. Safety needs- protection from elements, security, order, law, stability, freedom from fear

3. Love and belongingness needs- friendship, intimacy, trust, acceptance, receiving and giving affection and love. Affiliating, being part of a group (family, friends, work)

4. Esteem needs- achievement, mastery, independence, status, dominance, prestige, self-respect, respect from others

5. Self-actualization needs-realizing personal potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences

This theory can transcend to various parts of our lives. For example, I had a person ask me why the Washington R******* issue was important because they deemed it as petty and that Natives have more important stuff to worry about (i.e, getting wood, affording food, getting clean water). At that moment, I thought that the person was thinking from a tunnel vision aspect and not understanding the bigger picture of how the mascot issues contribute to ongoing stereotyping and discrimination. Then, I had to re-think this from their perspective.

I had this epiphany a few months ago that I am privileged. I had this epiphany while I was debating with my White male colleague and told him he was/is privileged. As I was verbally stating that to him I realized that I am privileged too because we are both doctors, sitting in the same office, working for the same prestigious academic institution. I could not deny my new academic, economic, and professional status; although it still seems foreign to me majority of the time. I still consider myself a girl from the Rez and that will never change, however other people may see me different now.

With my newfound perspective, I have thought a lot. First, I have the luxury to worry about issues such as Native and stereotypes. I have the luxury to worry about and take action on so many Native issues because according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, I have my biological/physiological, safety needs, love and belongingness, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs met for the most part. Whereas Native people are worrying about obtaining their biological/physiological and safety needs, so they do not have the luxury to worry about other needs, such as self-actualization or love.

Further, it makes sense why domestic violence is a big issue in our communities. Many of our members are worried about those basic needs and love/belongingness is not their first priority compared to having food, water, warm house, etc…Many people in our Native communities worry about just getting through the day, the week, the month. I did not even think about my privileged status prior because I still feel I am the community and they are me and there is no separation. However, I could be more mindful and aware at times.

Who pays during the dates?

This day in age of dating could be daunting and ambiguous. There are multiple social media and dating websites to meet potential love interests. There is also the old-fashion way to meet people, in-person. There are more women who are self-sufficient and empowered…we had Hillary Clinton run for president this election season. Our gender dynamics are ever changing and evolving for better or worse depending on who you are and your philosophical worldviews and practices.

Is it protocol you go Dutch the first time you meet a person online? Are women considered gold-diggers if they want the men to pay for everything all the time during the first few dates? Do women prefer the pay half or their own tab because they do not want to feel “obligated” to give up anything to that man later in that date or in their dating timeframe? Do men still feel that since they pay, that women “should” give them something in return in the beginning? Are women feeling more empowered and demonstrate that empowerment by paying for their date? Are women paying for dates for the simple fact that they do not want to be labeled as a gold-digger? Are there still old-school gentleman out there that wants to and will pay for dates? How long is the time between going on your first few dates to dating that a female should feel comfortable to pay? These are all valid and interesting questions if you are in the dating game.

In December of 2016, I met a guy from the east coast while I was there. He asked me to lunch, we went, he paid. Simple. There was no hesitation or awkwardness when the tab arrived of “who is going to pay?” He quickly grabbed the bill and that was that.

Recently, I was hanging out with a friend of mine. She wanted me to tag along on her hanging out with a guy she met through mutual friends online. She had never met this fella in-person. I tagged along to dinner and asked for a separate check for myself. According to my friend, when their bill arrived, her male friend did not get the check quick enough and there was that awkward moment of “who is going to pay?” She then grabbed the check and put her credit card down. Their bill was ~$65 and the male friend gave her $45 cash. The next day he wanted to take her out on a date and I somehow ended up tagging along again. He asked her to purchase the tickets online. She did. He never paid her back. However, he bought popcorn and drinks. Interesting I thought as an outside person examining the awkwardness of money. I thought since he wanted to hangout with her that he should have paid for the tickets. 

In my dating experiences I do not usually have that “paying” awkwardness. However, I am not saying that it has not happened, it has, but it is not the norm for me. It is interesting to observe the financial dynamics between men and women between the first few dates-relationships-marriage. I must admit that I get turned off if a man expects me to pay or puts me in a position to pay by "awkwardness" in the beginning of our dating phase. Personally, I prefer the old-school gentleman who pays during our courting phase. I prefer to be courted. After the first few dates then I will want to start to pay now and then. –Love, Peace, and Frybread Grease