Dating Experiences:
What were my first forms and perceptions of the dating experience? As I look back into my childhood I witnessed domestic violence so that definitely has affected my mindset of “how” a relationship should work. With these negative thoughts, it influenced my dating practices in high school and in my early 20’s…and maybe sometimes I still ponder these thoughts about men.
Thought #1: Men are not capable of being faithful, so why would I want to be in a serious relationship?
-Based on these thoughts at an early age, I made it a mission to NOT date one guy because I did not want to get hurt. Instead, I hurt others. I kept my guys I was dating at a “safe” distance and I guess you could say I was a player. My uncle used to call me a “man-eater” in high school (LOL). These thoughts made it hard for me to “trust” men because I always thought they are always capable of cheating.
Thought #2: Men are “weak” if they abuse their women in any capacity emotionally, physically, or verbally. I thought that I would never be in an “unhealthy” relationship because that woman would NOT be me
-I happened to be involved in an “unhealthy” relationship(s)..not necessarily always physical abuse but just “unhealthy.” I strongly felt that if any man ever treated me wrong then I would just leave and no questions/feelings attached. Then, I feel in love and all my rules had changed. I found myself to be this vulnerable, weak, and confused young lady. I then learned you should never judge anybody’s relationship because I hated other people judging me and my relationship. People are usually aware of their situation and will leave when they are truly ready to.
Thought #3: Marriage or long-term relationships are never guaranteed.
-My mom used to tell me that you should never depend on a man financially because any relationship is not guaranteed; therefore you go to school and support yourself. My dad used to tell me that men are “dogs” and do not depend on a man for financial support. I grew up an only child and independent anyways, so I never had a problem with this concept. However, I feel now maybe I can be too independent and some men find that intimidating.
At first, I tried to keep this blog at a distance from my personal experiences. But, as I find myself talking to other females, I find some or most of our experiences are similar and I should not be ashamed of mine. I find myself re-directing my blog to incorporate my experiences but also discuss other women’s experiences and relevant issues within the dating/relationship dynamic. However, I will change names/identification of people I date or have dated.
