Females to be trusted around your man?

After a long stimulating conversation with a colleague (pretty much my entire afternoon) and personal experiences throughout my extensive dating life: SHADY ASS FEMALES WHO WILL HOOK-UP with your man behind your back no matter if that is your best friend, friend, acquaintance, or relative. I would like to believe most of my circle of people I surround myself by would have enough respect to not do this. However, looking back on my past relationships and experiences I can say that this is not true. I’ve had more than a handful experiences that I KNOW about (I don’t even want to think about the ones I am clueless about) when dealing with NATIVE females who are shady as hell.
Experience #1. I was dating Guy Z for about 7 years at the time. Everyone knew we were dating. I had this Friend X who I became close with and she became to know of my relationship drama. Me and Friend X would hang out, go to clubs together, and just became closer as I began to spend more time with her. Although she was not at close friend status, she was definitely someone I considered a cool friend to kick it with. There was a moment that me and Guy Z got into it and broke-up for a little while. There happened to be a gathering that myself, Guy Z (we were not talking at the time), and Friend X were all at the same place. Before me going into that establishment Guy Z and Friend X were kissing. I had no idea and walked into the establishment and did not see Guy Z but saw Friend X and greeted her normally because I did not know what happened between them. I left the establishment and some other friends of mine pulled me aside and asked “Do you know that girl (Friend X)?” I said “Yeah, that’s my girl.” Then, they asked me in a concerned manner “Like, your girl – girl?” I said “Yeah, , why?” “They said well your girl was all up on your man hugging and kissing him before you came.” Needless to say I was pissed off like a motha fucka..what a shady ass female! I didn’t see her and later that week I got a phone call from her and she said in a normal tone “Hey, s’up, howcome you haven’t called me?” I said “What do you mean why? You shady and I don’t deal with desperate ass bitches like you and if I see you on tha street you better run the other way because you were wrong and disrespectful.” Don’t get me wrong I was mad at him too and I dealt with that in my own way but the story is not about shady ass ex-boyfriends because right now it’s about shady ass females who do not know their boundaries.
Experience #2. I was talking to a Guy B and we were on the beginning of our dating journey. Basically, we were barely getting to know each other and liked each other a lot but not officially together. So, I had a group of Native people who were coming to town, which was: Cousin A, Friend B, Acquaintance C, and Girl D (who was Acquaintance C’s sister). I did not know Girl D who was a Native female and was about 37 years old. Guy B and I joined them at a restaurant and Girl D started to get a little tipsy and she started to flirt with him. At first, I laughed about it because I thought it was funny. Then, she started to get more flirtatious with Guy B as she drank more. She clearly saw me and Guy B holding hands and it was evident we were together. Eventually we left the restaurant and went to a bar/lounge atmosphere. Me and Guy B were sitting together and Girl D was talking about sex as she kept looking at him. At this point I started to get pissed, but Cousin A and Friend B told me to not get mad because she’s drunk. As me and Guy B were sitting there holding hands she got up, grabbed his hand to make him stand up, and tried to make him dance with her. He looked at me like WTF and politely stepped away from her and sat down by me. To end the night, Guy B and I dropped all of them back off at their hotel and (I didn’t see it) but Girl D tried to kiss my Guy B but he pushed her away. I was in the vicinity but she had the balls to really go there with him right near me? Guy B told me that as we drove away because he knew I would get pissed. Of course I saw Girl D the next day and checked the bitch while she was sober and needless to say she left and I never saw her again all weekend and even to this day.
My complex is why do females do that each other? My girl code is strict, meaning if you like a guy I automatically discard him and would never think of going there with him because you like him (whether he likes you back or not). I’ve had other random experiences with this situation but these are two primary examples of how an individual is quick to stab a Native sister behind her back to get hers. Where’s the respect? I figure these girls have such a lack of respect for themselves and others that they are desperate ass hoes! In reality…are most females like this? Who can you trust? My BFF told me one time, “I don’t trust any females, only you, and you are the only female in the world I can trust with my man’s number.” I may not be perfect but I know what basic respect and loyalty is as a female. Plus, I do not want your sloppy seconds because I can find my own man and don’t need to borrow yours. Shady females need to check themselves! Ladies, what do you think?

Tug-of-War

I continue to learn something about myself when trying to tell other people my story as to why I am the way I am and why I date the way I date. Sometimes when I speak I think “Wow, I just learned something about myself again.” I say this because as humans we are always growing and evolving each day whether we know it or not. This can be scary at times, especially being a Native female. You see, for me, growing up on the Rez, we are such humble and simple beings. Also, if you were born and raised on the Rez you know that change (internally and externally) occurs at such a SLOW rate, which is good and bad. I’m happy that we still keep our cultural traditions in tact and in that sense I’m glad that compared to other tribes we have not assimilated. We need to hold onto the core of who we are and I maintain that everyday. However, in terms of dating, career, and other things some tribal members may think us “young” ones may be too progressive as they would like. For example, for me I get confused many times because the heart of me is this little Rez girl who grew-up to be a young, professional female that currently lives in urban mainstream America. These two beings are always at odds with each other like a tug-of-war. This plays into my relationships because I struggle with wanting the most basic gifts in a relationship to having a list. On the Rez many men are unfaithful, abusive, unemployed, have lots of kids, and disrespectful. So, for myself, in the most simplest and humblest form I would like a man to be: faithful, respectful, honest, and love me for ME. However, this often conflicts with other things that are important as being educated, no kids, good income, tall, etc…which translates to more superficial things. I am in constant confusion because on one hand I want the most basic simple form of love then on the other I want the superficial crap too. Maybe I answered my own question because I would rather have a broke-ass dude who treated me great and that whole heartedly loves me than a dude who was financially stable who treated me like shit. Dealbreakers!

Deal-breakers

Deal-breakers

I know all us girls, Native or not, do have a list when it comes to finding a mate. However, have we thought about deal-breakers? For example, I went to Washington DC recently and caught-up on life stories among my wonderful, vibrant, ambitious African-American (Black) girlfriends. One is a lawyer and lives/works in DC area and the other is working on her Ph.D in Public Health and is a part-time instructor at her respective university (same as me) in Texas. All 3 of us do not have kids and are not married. So, we started having our usual conversation about MEN, specifically about deal-breakers.

Friend 1 stated that her mother worked like 5 jobs to keep her family housed and fed, while her father did not contribute. Therefore, her stance was that she would not care or it would not be a deal-breaker if her “husband” cheated on her (as long as he wore protection) but was financially stable and did not let his extra curricular activities with other females interfere with the money he was bringing home to her. She said because her mother slaved to take care of her home.

Friend 2 stated her father was financially stable but cheated on her mom all the time. Her stance was that she was fine with a man who made way less than her as long as he worked everyday AND did not cheat on her.

I stated that my father was financially stable and was not the most faithful man on the planet as well. Also, domestic violence where I come from is an epidemic. Therefore, I stated that I would marry a man who made way less than me in terms of income but he does need to be employed. Also, I would not deal with him cheating and being abused in any capacity because of how I grew-up.
This made me realize that everybody grew-up very different and each of us have deal-breakers and I got confused all over again. What’s your deal-breaker?