Right to be HAPPY!

For me, I put up with a lot of unnecessary bullshit from men. At times I did it because I was young, stupid, and naïve. Other times, I did it because I felt like I did not deserve better because I was insecure about myself. Mind you, these words are powerful so let me repeat this, I FELT LIKE I DID NOT DESERVE “happiness.” At times, I did it because I put my happiness in my man’s hands hoping HE would change. That did not work because I cannot control someone else’s actions but I can only control MINE. So I had to take that control back and gear it towards MY happiness. Other times, it was simple enough that I loved him and that was it. But I had to realize that LOVE is termed loosely if it does not include respect and security. So, I had an epiphany: I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! I have an inherent right and human right to be happy. I control that destiny but as women I feel we fail to acknowledge and allow ourselves to practice that basic human right, to be HAPPY! So simple but yet can be the most complex emotion to achieve at times it seems. Especially, when it comes to love and relationships. As women, as Native women, we give a LOT of ourselves to our partner, families, and communities because we come from a strong cultural support system that encompasses; our families, clanship system families, and community. WE GIVE because that is part of our cultural teachings to constantly think about the greater good of our nuclear family, extended family, clanship families, and community. Therefore, it is in our blood and cultural teachings TO GIVE. It’s a great thing and I respect those that live in that mindset because I do too. However, like all women do, we give so much and do so much for others because that also makes us happy but we also forget about OURSELVES. When do we ever sit back and think this is WHAT I WANT, I NEED, I EXPECT? It seems as if were always the one sacrificing OUR needs, wants, and expectations to ensure the other is happy. I know a relationship is a give and take and I cannot constantly feel like it is all about ME but I feel I need to take a close look at my relationship to see if this is working. I DESERVE to be: HAPPY, SECURE, LOVED, SPOILED, RESPECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I don’t feel those things on a consistent basis then is this relationship really for ME? Because at the end of the day “I DESERVE”. And so do you girl!

Financial Matters

I look at the “Sex and the City” show and can relate to a lot of their relationship mishaps and experiences, however, one big thing I notice is I only date minority men. I know in their show, they date, predominantly successful White men in Manhattan. What about our story of the financial and educational demographics of the men in our dating pool; whether they are Native, Black, Latino, or Hawaiian/Pacific Islander? I will not put Asian men in this category because they, well, they have their own socioeconomic and educational status that does not reflect our communities (just keepin’ it real). And if you date White men, that’s cool, but your dating stories could be much different than mine. However, as for me, it is likely that it will be much more difficult for me to meet a man in my educational/socioeconomic bracket based solely on statistics. But it’s not impossible either but sometimes it sure feels like it! But here are some things to consider, how much do finances matter in a relationship? If you are not financially compatible then how much conflict results within your relationship? For example, if you are financial responsible and your partner is financially irresponsible, then how do you figure that out? Your partner’s financial irresponsibility might have led him/her to have “bad credit” and since you may have “good credit”, then does everything fall upon you to “put” everything in your name? What if you get married and that brings down your credit score and it makes it difficult to purchase a house, car, or other assets as a couple? What if your partner makes significantly less money than you? And you are supplementing your partners income by paying more because they are unable to? Also, what if you are saving money to put down a house payment because you are able to do so but your partner needs their money on a day-to-day basis, so you are the only person “saving” for a down payment for you to be able to purchase a house together? Also, what if your partner has kids and you do not have kids together, and his first financial priority is to himself and his children, then you and your life together are always put on the back burner? I think about these things a lot, especially when in a serious relationship and how I envision my life to be with my partner. Will I sacrifice some things to gain other, like a relationship with a man who cannot provide as much as I want? Or will this cause too much of a conflict within the relationship and you feel you are not compatible in that area? I know money does not mean everything but when you are trying to figure out your individual expenses and expenses as a couple, then realistically it can cause a lot of friction because one will feel they are giving more than the other at times. However, everyone has their own thoughts about this and their own system that works for them.