Same Type
“I’ve been down this road before and yeah I skidded but forget it
damn, yeah, I wonder why I never why I learned my lesson
it’s feeling like the second chance and its the first impression
and I heard it’s nothing new except for someone new
but how you supposed to find the one when anyone will come with you
talking to myself but I never listen,
cuz man it’s been a while, and I swear that this ones different
that’s why I’mma take you anywhere you wanna go
let you meet my friends so they can lecture me again about
how reckless I have been
and I’m slowly running out of all the time that I invest in
making all the same mistakes
and I’m just trying to correct it and I fall..
I swear I always fall for your type, for your type
tell me why I always fall for your type, for your type” –Fall for Your Type Lyrics by J. Foxx and Drake
LOL I laugh at these lyrics and this song in particular because this is ME fo’ sure when it comes to CHOOSING the same type of men to date. It’s funny because I had a conversation with my bestest guy BFF and here I go telling ALL my dating stories. So he says to me, “Well you’re the one that chooses these men to date so have you ever thought that your choosing the wrong ones?”!!! EPIPHANY came starring right in my face! OMG he is sooo right! I have never truly dated on a serious level an educated guy with at least a Bachelor’s degree or someone more financially stable than me per se. I have never dated my equal. My equal…my equal. How would that feel like? What do I have to change my dating outlook and perspectives to make sure I look outside my box? How do I choose better men? These are all questions I asked myself from one time or another. My thing is I want the dude exactly like me..not a square, street smarts, act Rez, but know how to act in every environment, educated, doin’ him, and go this business together. Conclusion is I just haven’t found him yet because a lot of people are on one extreme..either extra ghetto OR extra nerdy…where’s the combo of the nerdy/ghetto dude at?? One that could hold me down on the streets and the United Nations? One who does not act too boozhy and can get grimey but drives a Benz and is educated? I’ll just cross my fingers EXTRA hard and see…until next time my Native girls..*Cheers and good-luck finding yours!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Kids?
I am a SUPER single female meaning I am not married, never been, and do not have kids. I have chosen not to have kids at all points of my life due to wanting to obtain a lifestyle that I deem as “financially stable” and I have not found the “right” person thus far as well. These two factors play every role as to why I have not chosen to have kids yet. As I have told many of my close friends and family, until I can afford a “Magda” in Sex in the City OR have a husband whose income level is parallel or exceeds mine, then I can seriously consider having a kid. For example, I have had my little 11-year old sister with me for 3 weeks this summer in Las Vegas. Although, she is not an infant or toddler, she is expensive and it takes a LOT of work to watch a kid. From this experience, I have learned how important it is to either;
a) Be married. (I have never really considered nor looked forward to getting married because it never was appealing to me due to observations among individuals who were married) However, due to the experiences of having my little sister for 3 weeks this summer, I can appreciate the importance of the financial and physical “help” for taking care of your kids because it takes a LOT of work. Two incomes and two modes of caring for the child (mom and dad) I acknowledge are important components of raising a child.
b) Be EXTRA financially stable if alone. If I choose not to get married but I choose to have a child, I know having an income that is comparable to two individual incomes or more is necessary. I need to afford help like a “Magda” in Sex in the City and simultaneously my personal luxurious lifestyle without compensation of either or.
I know many females out there have children and I know it is the best blessing life can offer. However, I know it can be physically, emotionally, and financially strenuous. I commend mothers, especially SINGLE mothers who do it alone. You all sacrifice so much for your children, which is the right thing to do.
I believe we all have a choice. I have seen my family struggle and understand how it feels to live pay-check to pay-check. At an early age, I have known I was going to finish college, make mad money, take care of my family (mom, little sister, dad, and others), and then last try the family thing. I keep reflecting back when my family (grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles, mom, and dad) always used to tell me growing up, “You finish school first before you have kids because kids are a lot of work and to have a better life for you and your family the easiest way to do is finish school first then you can think about having a family.” That always stuck with me in my head and still does.
A random experience dealt with me dating a guy who had kids. I thought he was definitely a great father and did right by his kids. However, he was not financially stable due to the bad economy and when he was financially stable he took care of his family. But, I could not take the chance of being with someone who was on-again off-again financially stable, especially if he already had kids. I thought if I ever dated a guy with kids, he needs to be extra financially stable so his finances will not fall on me in any capacity, even if is dinner. I cringed at the thought of if we got married but I was paying for his kids needs instead of taking care of MY family. Selfish? Maybe. However, my thought was I did not work this freaking hard to go through school as long as did so I could take care of somebody else’s family? I thought I had already made a self-promise to take care of my own first (mom, dad, sister) but for me to spend 12 hours a day in the library, living off $20/week, and stay in school an extra 12 years after high school to take care of somebody else’s kids…you gotta be kdding me! You can guess what happened, I broke-up with him because it was a lot for me to deal with. Again, I am speaking from a young, Native, professional who has no kids. Maybe if I did, it would be different. But, the choice was mine and everyone does have one
a) Be married. (I have never really considered nor looked forward to getting married because it never was appealing to me due to observations among individuals who were married) However, due to the experiences of having my little sister for 3 weeks this summer, I can appreciate the importance of the financial and physical “help” for taking care of your kids because it takes a LOT of work. Two incomes and two modes of caring for the child (mom and dad) I acknowledge are important components of raising a child.
b) Be EXTRA financially stable if alone. If I choose not to get married but I choose to have a child, I know having an income that is comparable to two individual incomes or more is necessary. I need to afford help like a “Magda” in Sex in the City and simultaneously my personal luxurious lifestyle without compensation of either or.
I know many females out there have children and I know it is the best blessing life can offer. However, I know it can be physically, emotionally, and financially strenuous. I commend mothers, especially SINGLE mothers who do it alone. You all sacrifice so much for your children, which is the right thing to do.
I believe we all have a choice. I have seen my family struggle and understand how it feels to live pay-check to pay-check. At an early age, I have known I was going to finish college, make mad money, take care of my family (mom, little sister, dad, and others), and then last try the family thing. I keep reflecting back when my family (grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles, mom, and dad) always used to tell me growing up, “You finish school first before you have kids because kids are a lot of work and to have a better life for you and your family the easiest way to do is finish school first then you can think about having a family.” That always stuck with me in my head and still does.
A random experience dealt with me dating a guy who had kids. I thought he was definitely a great father and did right by his kids. However, he was not financially stable due to the bad economy and when he was financially stable he took care of his family. But, I could not take the chance of being with someone who was on-again off-again financially stable, especially if he already had kids. I thought if I ever dated a guy with kids, he needs to be extra financially stable so his finances will not fall on me in any capacity, even if is dinner. I cringed at the thought of if we got married but I was paying for his kids needs instead of taking care of MY family. Selfish? Maybe. However, my thought was I did not work this freaking hard to go through school as long as did so I could take care of somebody else’s family? I thought I had already made a self-promise to take care of my own first (mom, dad, sister) but for me to spend 12 hours a day in the library, living off $20/week, and stay in school an extra 12 years after high school to take care of somebody else’s kids…you gotta be kdding me! You can guess what happened, I broke-up with him because it was a lot for me to deal with. Again, I am speaking from a young, Native, professional who has no kids. Maybe if I did, it would be different. But, the choice was mine and everyone does have one
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Something small to say
I once dated this guy who at the time was parallel to me in terms of education, age, and socio-economic status because we were young so we were uneducated, poor, and naive. However, we both had goals to attend college on a basketball scholarship, which we did, with hopes to finish with great degrees. At this time period, I was completely in love with someone like him because I was at the same point of life that he was. Although, since we were young, we had a lot of “downs” more than “ups” because we were still trying to “figure” ourselves out along with trying to maintain a relationship plus school. Temptation gets the best of you sometimes, especially if you are a young and attractive person and have been in a relationship for a long time. This guy was my high school sweetheart and we had a lot in common, love was there, but why were we not working out? He wanted to date other females but not lose me and so he cheated. I played my share in the cheating aspect as well because in the beginning of our relationship I was scared to get close to someone so I cheated. This set the foundation of a relationship that was unbalanced, not harmonious, and unhealthy. I think we all fall into the same pitfalls of dysfunctional relationships, especially when we are young. For the females in their 20’s, I challenge you to think of your romantic relationships. I think us Native women stay in unhealthy relationships for the wrong reasons. Just know that you are not alone but the decision to leave one makes you brave. I keep thinking back into my 20’s when I had HORRIBLE dating experiences and now I hopefully learned from them to move forward. Although I am not currently in a serious relationship I am happy and content on being single for a while. I am enjoying the fruits of my labor I did in my broke 20’s and traveling the world…so yes you do get over your heartaches and replace it with wonderful times!
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