Whatever Works

“I was married once, and I would have to say it was successful, fun, and exciting for the first few years, until…we tried to be married like everyone else was married. Yes, I was immature back then... and didn’t have the communication skills to have a successful marriage. But the other issue was that my wife and I didn’t know how to customize our marriage to work for us! We ended as friends but we didn't deal with our marriage as wisely as we should have.


My advice to those who are serious about committing for the long term is to avoid modeling your relationship after your parents, friends, or what you see on TV. Take the important lessons from their examples but set your own standards and boundaries… and then tell everyone else to mind their own damned business!

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is allowing outsiders to influence how they conduct their relationship. Stop trying to have a normal relationship when you are clearly NOT normal! Dare to be different and have a unique relationship that works for you!" ~ Michael Baisden

I read this message from radio personality Michael Baisden and liked what he had to say. I mean why do relationships have to model the mainstream version of what marriage is portrayed as? I’m a Native and I do not see myself being the typical “American” because I am not. As Natives we have different worldviews about every element of our life, so why should we base our relationships upon what is mainstream American? For instance, one of my bosses (who is minority) said, “Crystal, you and I are not like a lot of other women in terms of our education/financial status…so when I was looking for my lifelong partner, he did not necessarily have to be the most educated or make the most money because I found that type of men boring to me..I was just looking for someone who was down..and you have to find what best fit is for you. Maybe you don’t need a man to make a lot of money, but his emotional support may be more important to you than his financial support.”

This made me think of my ideal roles in my envisioned future household. What would I want this picture to look like? I mean I hate cleaning, suck at cooking, hate doing laundry, I do not iron, I hate grocery shopping…so why would I want any man to expect those “female” dominated roles onto me when that’s not my forte’ and maybe vice versa. My specialty is making money…so maybe while I am at the office making money, which is my forte’, then my future husband can be at home cooking/cleaning!

Blurry Road

Have you ever been in a relationship that has its ups and downs? But, ultimately leading to more bad times than good? I think everyone has at some point of their previous or current relationships. It’s a confusing state to be in because two prominent questions quickly jump out in my mind:


1. Because we have a history and we truly do care and love each other, do we wait out the storm with hopes it will get better and we can overcome the issues?

1a. If so, how long will that take?

-I heard a radio interview of a couple that has been married for many decades. They spoke about how in their marriage that they had many issues at times, hated each other at times, and wanted to get a divorce at times, but they never did. They worked through their issues, although it seemed impossible at times. At the end of working through their issues, they fell back in love all over again, and again, and again.

2. OR do we say we waited long enough and it is not getting any better so let’s go our separate ways?

-As I think back to my previous relationships…I am actually really happy we broke up because we were not meant to be together! It was a blessing. So with that being said, should people break up if on-going issues arise?

It’s a gamble, ironically, I live in the gambling city in the WORLD. Do you end the current relationship, only to be in a worse relationship? Or do you end the current relationship, only to be in a better relationship?