Part 1 of this blog referred to
how Native men are concerned about Native women and alcohol consumption
(partying, drinking too much, and acting a fool when drinking). What did you
think about that my Native women? How did that make you feel/think/react? For
me, it was an eye-opener! As a matter of fact, numerous comments the men made
were definitely eye-openers for me. They were eye-openers because some of it
was hard to swallow because I know it is TRUE, at least from my point of view
and my personal experiences as being a Native woman…and some of it was not true
from my own lens because I did not have the same personal experiences.
Another major theme that was
talked about was…now I do not know how to put this delicately ladies, but, in a
nutshell, some men state among first interactions with us, we come off as plain
“Bitchy.” Yup, JUST acting like a bitch! LOL I laughed at this because I know
this is definitely true. Now, they did not say we ARE bitches, they said we ACT
like it….there is a difference now, so do not get too upset with this
statement. As a strong Native woman, I would be the first to react, but I did
not, let me explain why.
I know you ALL know that
on-going joke we have about tribal employees, especially the women. We joke
about the lack of customer service skills, which in laymen’s terms mean: they
are not nice, they are rude, they are stand-offish, and they are unwilling to
help. Now, this could reflect of what was previously stated about our
approachability. We have all had these complaints; I know I have experienced
this multiple times in multiple tribal offices. (**DISCLAIMER** Not every
person who works in tribal offices and not every women who works in tribal
offices acts like this!! There are plenty of nice ones who I have also
encountered and worked with.)
On the same note, a Navajo
brother said “Native women are for the
most part defensive when I meet them...I mean there is a difference between
being strong-headed and being bossy and rude you know…just bitchy.” Just
think about that statement! He said there is a difference between being
strong-headed and being rude. That is very true. Ladies, we are not approachable
and we somehow illuminate rudeness, some of us at least. Why?
I remember when I was in
elementary school at Ganado and my dad pulled me out of a class because my
teacher was a Navajo woman who did not say to her class “Good morning” every
morning. He transferred me into a classroom with a biliganaa’ (White) teacher
who stated “Good morning” to us every morning. He said he did that because the
Navajo woman did not have any social skills and did not teach it. He said the
biliganaa’ woman had social skills and taught us. Therefore, he said I wanted
you to learn good social skills.
I feel now I have pretty good
social skills. I can ignite conversations with anyone. I am not shy. I feel I
am very approachable. So, when I see Natives here in Las Vegas, I make it a
point to go out and greet them because that’s the cordial thing to do,
especially if they are visiting the city I live in. About 60% of the time, the
women are stand-offish, stuck-up, and rude. I always wondered why myself? And,
I am not a man trying to hit on them! Imagine, if they are stand-offish towards
me, imagine how they are towards men. Well, I guess they could be nicer,
because some women are just plain catty.
Anyways, I think back to what
my dad said. Maybe they were not taught good social skills? Maybe they do not
know how to interact with people on a comfortable basis? So, is that why they
come off as rude, stuck-up, or whatever?
Another Navajo brother said, “Some women have no respect. I think the ones
that look beautiful and extravagant, they are rude, the ones that are humble don’t
always wear make-up...so to choose beautiful women over respectable women....”
He meant that some Native women show little respect for everything. Then, he
continued to say, “Like to respect
everything and anything around them, like their grandpas and grandmas taught
them, the young ones now days are not so kind. So, for me, I feel like Im in
between the generation gap, the up and coming, and the past…most of my friends
are 30-40, so the age I would be hating on are those 20-25.”
I think it is fair to say that
pretty women are not always going to be as humble as the less pretty women. It
is the way of the societal grooming environments. But, the Navajo brother made
another valid point. He said that the younger generation may be worse at being
respectable to themselves and others! I’m in my 30’s and I have minimal
interaction with Native women in their 20’s, except my family, who of course do
not act crazy towards me because they are family. But, the Native brother
notices a difference between women in their 30’s and in their 20’s. I guess
this could bring up a whole other discussion.
In conclusion, can us Native
women be nice and cordial to people? Is that not what we were taught from our
elders, culture, and community? We always talk about the word Ke’
(relationship/kinship to the people around us in a positive way) as part of our
cultural practices, but yet, we do not practice it with each other or with
other people? Nobody on the planet is too good to treat anyone with rudeness.
Even if a Native male approaches us and we are not interested, you can still be
polite about it. We should all practice Ke’.
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