Females and Masturbation Part II

I have had quite a bit of feedback on this whole “Women & Masturbation” piece I wrote last week! This blog will touch on new thoughts and display comments from some of my blog readers on my Facebook page relating to my previous piece.

As a Native (again speaking for myself and not all Native females out there) I was taught to have a relationship with self that includes relationship to my body/mind/spirit. Once you have a positive relationship with self, then that is when you can have a positive relationship with others; family, friends, intimate partner, and community. And vice versa, if you have a negative relationship with self, then you are bound to have negative relationships with others. Therefore, I find it extremely important to know your body! In general, as females we HAVE to know our body in some form because we deal with things such as menstrual cycles, pregnancy, menopause, etc. Our bodies are complicated beings. For example, men have a natural physiological/biological hormone regulator so they do not have high hormone production because it is regulated, whereas females we do not have a natural hormone regulator, so our hormones go haywire at times. It is biologically/physiologically mandated for us to be hormonal whenever we want because we cannot help it (Yes, tell this little tidbit to your man!).

Ok, back to my point, which is if we spend that much time/effort understanding our bodies then I personally feel it is also important to know the intimate side as well. What turns you on? What doesn’t? What touch feels right? In what space? One person commented, stating, “When I did sexuality education nearly 20 years ago we used to talk about masturbation. Weird we can talk about sex as women, but not the art of self-pleasure. If we don't know what works for our own bodies, how will we know how to share these joys with our lovers?? No wonder many men are clueless.”  This Native female had a great point. Are we shy to talk about the art of self-pleasure? If we are shy, then how can we effectively communicate with our partner(s) about issues relating to “sex” or “sexual acts?” To me masturbation is merely knowing your body: it’s healthy, it’s normal, it’s pleasurable, it’s a safe alternative to practice abstinence! Once you get comfortable in this space then you can maximize the experience for yourselves and/or your partners as well. To verify my last sentence, a Native male stated he liked it when females masturbated “Bcuz it turns me on,when i see a woman masturbating... maybe its just me personally but im sure alot of men wouldnt mind watching... and also get turned on by it.”

 However, growing up none of my family members talked to me in-depth about “sex” or “sexual acts.” One of my questions was asked by a FB reader asking: “Dont you have a grandfather who is a medicine man? What does he say?” My grandparents/elders never talked about "sex" in terms of the act of it and how it affects our life. They of course talked a lot about self-respect and how that plays into every aspect of our lives, which I assumed included not having “sex” at an early age or having lots of sexual partners.

 At the end of the day I encourage each of you to consider being open to masturbation and open to communicating about it to your circle (female friends, daughters, nieces, moms, aunts, and partners). Because it is healthy, normal, pleasurable and safe (if done alone)!!

 P.S. here are a few comments that others have written on my FB page.

 Finally! Women were once thought of by cultures & societies to be the sexual aggressors, appetites for pure pleasure. Then things changed as women's sexual selves were silenced, controlled, violated, or defined by the non-female. It's about time for the ndn view!-DN (Native female)

 Interesting...I know our parents and grandparents didnt talk about it openly, however I was very open about the subject with my children. They were embarrassed of course but they know I am not embarrassed to talk about it. I agree, it all a part of life. –RG (Native female)

 In our Hopi/Pueblo society, sex is a topic at the dinnertable and at ceremony, participation by both young and old. I remember two years ago at a dance, the clowns rounded up all the young boys and girls in the plaza and told them they were going to have sex ed since their parents dont teach them. First they lined up the boys and brought out blow up dolls and taught them the art of oral sex and points of pleasure on a woman. the girls were given penis suckers and...well of course the parents and grandparents quickly grabbed their kids. good article tho.-JJ( Native male)