As I stand by the bar, I get approached by some random non-Native guy. Shortly into our conversation, he asks “What are you?” If I can get a $1 for every time I had to answer that question I think to myself.
Because I frequently get asked this question whether I’m at Subway or at a club, or whether I am in Arizona or in New York City. I entertain myself by asking right back, “What do you think I am?” I have gotten every racial/ethnic background imaginable, but the most common ones are: Asian mixed with something else, Black mixed with something else, or Latina mixed with something else. I have had 2 people in my lifetime guess Native American; 1 guy selling CD’s in mid-town Manhattan and the other at a bar/restaurant in Atlanta. I find it funny that every one seems uncomfortable about racial ambiguity. From my personal perspective, I find it very annoying when I say I am full-blooded Native American and the person who asks about 95% of the time says, “I’m part Cherokee” or “I’m part Indian too, but I don’t know my tribe!” I get annoyed but then I feel bad because I feel that they have a certain confusion about whom they are and where they come from. By me being Native; I start to think that although I am not currently living on the Rez, I am still whole-heartedly a Rez girl. I think about how “us” rez girls grew up and our men around us. I’m not putting down our Native men nor am I saying that there are absolutely zero good Native men, but I known plenty of women who have grown up around broken homes and/or marriages. Our men, although we love them very much, have made our moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, and nieces go through many hardships; domestic violence, men being alcoholics, men cheating, men going into the prison/jail system, jobless, cheating, and THE god’s gift to earth syndrome. I personally feel a lot of our men have endured so much from colonization. But, there is no excuse for some of the things they put us through. I know a lot of my fellow tribal women feel they have to stay so I leave that upon them to make their choice. But, as Native women, it’s hard for us to learn what a “healthy” relationship is and what that may consist of based on our family and friends experiences. Can you as a Native woman tell me that your parents and most of your friend’s parents have established and maintained a “healthy” relationship? I must sadly that this illusion is few and far between as a Native women. What happened to our tribal stability that starts with familial stability? In a lot of cases, it was downhill when colonization, assimilation hit our communities by “trying” to break our spirit, which in a way they did. That must be a large reason why we have; broken families, highest high school drop out rate out of any racial/ethnic group, highest poverty rate out of any racial/ethnic group, and healthy disparities. One by one I will touch on men and their discrepancies and ours as well. What do you think?
A question I get a lot is "where are you from?" A veiled attempt in being polite when asking "what are you?" What does it mean to be Native? A Native woman, a Native man?
ReplyDeleteIt's true, our men initially bore the brunt of responsibility and pain when ours and western culture collided. I can't imagine what it must have been like to lose control over the fate of your children, not be able to provide for your family in the only way you knew how, deal with the fact that somehow you have lost power and stature and then watch your women choose western men because you have fallen. I have read what it means to grow up a male, but I as a women can only speculate.
I only can talk about my experience in this mix mash of culture, family, and choosing a mate. I once said I would never again date a Native Man. This man, three generations removed from colonization. This man in the throws of addiction, aimless and lost, unable to provide, inferior in this new world. How does a man, whose ancestors survived on a block of ice for thousands of years fall so hard? It's like watching car accident in slow motion. What is it about 7 generations? Is that how long it will take us to heal?
What do we do with our men and boys in the meantime?
It is hard, hard, hard to find a good Native man who's not self-medicating a broken spirit. I've seen the occasional strong Native man. But he's always married. . .