Just Me...a REZ girl

I have to state my personal case because my struggle and background is not uniform among all Natives. I am a REZ girl (born and raised in Ft. Defiance Arizona). Actually my mom began labor with me while in a Tee-Pee ceremony that my Cheii (maternal grandfather) was performing during the Navajo Nation Fair. My dad was at an Eddie Rabbit Concert and my family had to track down my dad to tell him my mom was in labor with me at the Ft. Defiance Indian Health Service Hospital in Ft. Defiance, AZ (on the Navajo Nation). So I am a Navajo Nation Fair baby. I grew up on the Rez around all Navajo people. I am proud and fortunate to say I grew up around ceremonies and around my Navajo culture. I used to sell candy, “pop” as we Rez people call it, and ice cream at “Nidaa’” or “Jinjay” ceremonies, otherwise known as “Squaw Dances”. My Nali (paternal grandfather) used to promote my sellings because he used to talk into a speaker system and tell all the Navajo’s to go to that “blue van” over dere and buy stuff from me (lol). I have always been a born Native hustler, Rez style of course, even as a kid trying to make a dime at ceremonies (ayyye). Then I hooped in high school (I was even kinda good) and my hooping skills granted me a college basketball scholarship at a junior college. However, even though I knew I was not “dumb” I did not believe I was “smart”. I struggled in college but only because I did not give the effort I needed to and I failed. I failed so many classes. THEN I realized I had to get my shizz together with a very low GPA. Actually, I did not even have a high enough GPA to get into Arizona State University (ASU). So I ended up doing some more semesters at different junior colleges to raise my GPA until it became high enough and then I applied at ASU. I got in and raise my GPA higher and got a double major. Then GRAD school at University of Nevada-Las Vegas (UNLV) and then finishing up my professional degree at UNLV (Ph.D baby). Believe me, it was challenging and tested me on every level. I believe I have succeeded because I have FAILED so many times. However, as a small time Rez girl, I made it because I never gave up and stayed committed to my ultimate goal even at a lot of points of time that seemed unattainable. Due to these struggles I have remained humbled. I am stating this because many who read my blog have no idea of my life story. I have been raised by strong family members in my life that include my maternal and paternal grandparents and strong parents. I have always had a strong support system. These family members have granted me the ability to succeed. It’s funny because when I tell my mom about my most recent love drama she NEVER feels bad for me. All she says is, “You will be okay, you have a hard heart, and I am not worried about you.” And nothing else! She just disregards my past relationship existence and does not validate my “sadness” because she trusts that I am “strong” enough to handle it and keeps it moving. Oh but ONE time I was going through it and I wanted to drop out of graduate school and go home to Arizona but my mom said to me, “Oh you are NOT dropping out of graduate school, it was your decision to go to school and you STAY there, you are NOT going to leave because of some man, some man that DOES NOT LOVE YOU at that because if he did then he would be there, but he left, so stop crying over some MAN THAT DOES NOT LOVE YOU, and you stay there and you will graduate!!!!” That is a Rez mom for you so needless to say all I could do was stay in school and graduate, I had to listen to her (lol). Do NOT even let me get started on my Dad (all men beware!). Let me just say my dad raised me to be some “tough-ass” Rez girl in so many ways because he is a tough-ass Rez dude who does NOT play. So, combined, I am extremely lucky to be the result of an awesome familial background. However, as a Native girl, even with a great family background, I seemed to have questioned my “self-worth” at times. I sometimes have forgotten that I have awesome values, character, and traditions that are instilled in me. I have got caught up in self-doubt, failure, and self-consciousness like any human has. Especially, when you leave the Rez and are subjected into “main stream” society, which will always grant new challenges. However, no matter the challenges, whether it is institutionalized racism/discrimination to love/relationship drama, my way of dealing with challenges has ALWAYS been to revert back to who I am and where I come from and that is a reason WHY I am here. I have a purpose. Again, I have a purpose. And so do you my Native people so let’s make our purpose count like I know we can!