"False-Male Potential"

I have been guilty on giving a man the benefit of the doubt by believing his FALSE potential. You know the men who you know are intelligent, talk a great game, and talk about what they “want” to do. But yet as time goes by they are still talking and not doing? And it takes time for you to finally connect the dots that they are all just talk and not doing! Yes, it happened to me a couple of times, maybe more. I met a man that was extremely intelligent and he would tell my educated friends and me facts about any random subject because he was/is (he Is still alive) truly smart. However, I got caught up in the “you are so smart” trap and that everyone who met him also agreed so I felt he was “validated.” He was deemed a “catch” per se. However, beyond his innate intellect he did not act on it. Yes, he had/has dreams and goals like everyone else that he consistently verbalized to me. Then he became unemployed and broke. So, I picked up the slack and supported the man because I felt he will get back on his feet and this is just a temporary slump…until that temporary slump became the permanent status. I got “bamboozled” as many would say. I believed the hype. I also became an enabler. I thought I was supporting a man who had all the potential in the world and that my “support” would be returned once he got his stuff together, because essentially I thought we were a team. Then, after two-three years later it finally hit me that this would never happen. He would never be the man he said he wanted to be and that I know he could have been because there was no true effort to his part and it was all talk. So two-three years into the relationship it was doomed. I failed because I listened to his words and not his actions because I loved him and oh so wanted to believe he was going to be the man he said he wanted to be and that I knew he could be. He failed. We failed. I thought about this tonight because I had a convo with a new friend. She met a guy she was feeling that lives out–of-state and she offered to pay for this trip out here so early onto their “getting to know each other” phase. I advised against it because I told her do NOT make the same mistake I made by believing a male until he has proved the minimum requirements to you in whatever you feel is a priority to you. At the beginning of the relationship we should not enable any male in anyway. They are the men and they should act as such. Until they prove their worth, their interest, their stability, their love, their intent, their commitment then WE can react in such regards to that but that is only until they do their part!!!