"Debbie-Downer" Friend

Have you been that friend that ALWAYS talked about your relationship issues whenever you would chit chat with your girls: over the phone, text, dinner, out for drinks, or at any outing?! I am guilty of being that “Debbie-Downer” friend. Any and every chance I got to vent or complain or cry about my relationship, I did! Bless some of my girls who had to hear my same issues over and over and over! Also, whenever my ex and I would hang out, we became that “arguing” couple to where everyone felt mad uncomfortable to hang out with us. It was inevitable, we would always argue during our outings. In addition, sometimes when hanging out with my girls I would snap on a poor innocent person if that person did something that got on my nerves. For instance, I would unconsciously seek a person to snap at because apparently there were deep-seeded frustrations I harbored. I figured a lot of this was a result in being in an unhealthy relationship. Because I was always so unhappy, frustrated, angry, sad, stressed, and confused in my home life, it transcended to all my other relationships. I had this “dark cloud” hanging over my head and I felt like I had a “dark spirit.” Did you hear that, I felt like I had a “dark spirit”! I became a person that did things that I was and am ashamed of. I knew better because I was raised better. I think back about some of the things I did and said and I feel ashamed and remorseful because I am NOT that person. But I take it all in as a big-time learning experience. I am not perfect. Since my relationship ended I felt the “dark cloud” lift and my “dark spirit” turned into a “happy spirit”! Looking back I can feel a huge difference in my personality, my actions, my thoughts, and my spirit. I could not believe how I let MY spirit get “darkened”. You see, I do not blame my ex for anything. I take all the blame on this because I had choices. I made my decision to stay in an environment that I knew was unhealthy for me. Mind you my ex is a good person but that did not matter because I realized he brought out the worst in me. Again, he is a good person but he brought out the worst in me. It took me a long time to realize that. I need to be with someone who brings the out the best in me and grants me that “light” instead of that “darkness”. I realized we should have broken-up a long time ago, and I take blame that I did not act on it. I knew better: I should have loved myself enough to know better, I should have been more confident in my decisions to know better, I should have believed in my strength enough to know better. But NO, I stayed out of all opposite of those things; I stayed out of fear, out of lack of confidence, out of weakness. (Sigh). But, we are all a working progress. Currently, my cousin told me “You seem so much happier, before you were grumpy/moody, and now your not”. My happiness was put to the test in combination with maturity as well when my girl and me went to the Drake concert and there was only one exit area. Everyone was walking in the same direction and this Black girl turned to me and started talking crap, stating I pushed her, which I did not. The old me would have pushed her upside her head (for real). The happy me looked at her like she was crazy and I started laughing because she was being stupid. I thought I have no time for this and I walked away. My girl said, “OMG I am so proud of you, I thought you were gonna kick her ass, I was prepared to fight (although I don’t fight), but you walked away”! I was in a happy mood and still am and I know I will not let anyone take away my happiness! I am a much BETTER person to be around because I am not a “Debbie Downer”, I laugh, I smile, I joke, and I have a good time. Also, I would like to personally thank my friends/family who were with me through my “dark spirited” times because you put up with a LOT from me and for that I will forever be thankful!