Hard to find an “Independent” Native Woman (Challenges of dating Native women, Part 4)

It was stated from a Native male that it is a challenge to find an “INDEPENDENT” Native woman. In my mind I’m thinking there are LOTS of us, as I biasedly thought of myself and all my Native female friends who are fierce. Then, I thought of the saying, you are your circle, so most of my friends are pretty, educated, have no kids, not married, and independent. I guess MY normal is not the norm outside of my circle. It got me thinking if there is really a shortage of us types of Native women out there?

 

This Native brother elaborated more and stated, “Native females tend to lean on their family for support and that I hardly see a Native woman who lives alone, away from family, and that deals with complex issues, such as family finances… they are linked up to their family, I have seen a lot of females try to be independent, but they can’t go against their parents or live freely without having to report back to their mom/dad. ”

–Navajo brother

 

Hmm…this Native male is stating plenty of Native women are extra dependent on their family for finances and emotional/physical support. I’m thinking that he is also saying it’s hard to date us because we constantly seek family approval or support on everything and that can cause disturbances in relationships/dating. I can understand that if we’re constantly including family opinions/thoughts into the relationship or our lives, then it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship or a healthy sense of independence.

 He also stated, “There seems to be obstacles that hinder her forward mobility.  However, these obstacles are usually due to the Native female putting herself in predicaments all the time; you notice I didn’t mention anything about kids?? –Same Navajo brother

 Native women, what do you think he means that we put ourselves in predicaments a lot? Do we make poor choices that hinder our forward movement; bad relationships, too many baby daddy’s, ratchet-ness, etc…? Or are we our own worst enemies and we have; low self-esteem, low self-respect, low self-faith that we destroy ourselves before anyone else can?

He also stated, “I encourage women then again I have no pity, but seems like native women need encouragement. It is great if they overcome their predicaments that they face, however, they allow that situation from the past follow them into the future. These past experiences hinder a women’s ability to function without that reminder of a scar in order to become stable, become the person you want to be.”

 This statement says a LOT! He’s absolutely right that many of us women carry our past into our future. We carry negative thoughts/feelings into our future, which automatically makes our romantic partnerships unhealthy. We shouldn’t make our partner suffer because of someone else’s mistake. I must admit I have did this many times and it was the WRONG thing to do on my part. However, this Navajo brother is also talking about our past holding us back from being successful and independent.

 He also stated, “It’s how I view most native women trying to become successful, I see the struggle, always down to help out when they need me, but when they come up, they act like they never been there before.” –Same Navajo brother

 Ladies, do we act stuck-up, too good, boosie, “somehow” when we come up? I know we all paid our dues to become successful, but it’s good we check our attitudes sometimes, or apparently we should a lot according to the Native men and their observations and comments. I asked this Native brother, so what can we do on our part, and he stated:

 “I don’t think there is anything a female can do, she has to be herself, represent her family and morals in the upmost respectful manner, to respect her body, and to protect her path in life without having someone cloud or be forced to follow another person’s path.”