This or that

First, I would like to apologize for not writing any blogs in a while. Between working, traveling, working on my dissertation, and having ME time, it seems like time runs away from me. I feel like I have not had any time to date either, or I am not even paying attention to potential suitors like that because I have way too much going on to even go there. However, of course, there's always that one person I need to get away from, but he always finds his way back into my space. Whether it is my mental space, emotional space, or physical space. But the thing is I LET him back in those spaces. I know this person is not serious about pursuing anything serious with me, because we have been down that broken road before. But, I keep having some expectations he'll confess his undying love for me and wants for us to truly work on things, but no, he doesn't. And I feel disappointed all over again. Why do I keep doing this to myself? I know better. I'm even tired of myself to be going through this merry-go-round of a situation that I know I don't deserve. Today, I posted a quote on FB saying "A man will only put in work for a woman he really wants." I came to the conclusion he doesn't want me. I am done playing these stupid mind games with ultimately myself, and on the latter note, with him. I feel like banging my head against the wall and saying "Stop being stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid!!"


THEN, while there's that guy who won't commit, there's one guy who has showed me he wants to commit. But, I invested more of my energy in someone who doesn't want to commit versus a guy who does? That doesn't sound right. Ladies, why do we do these things? The guy lives out of town and faithfully texts me daily, multiple times a day, or calls, and tells me things like: I'm proud of you, I support you, I think you're a great woman, You're beautiful (inside & out), I'm thinking about you, I like you a lot, etc...I saw this guy in person a couple of times and he's even more complimentary in person and those times, I didn't know what to do with myself. I don't know if I wasn't used to it or what, but I thought this guy can't be like this ALL the time. Well, months later, he is. He's never let up...not one day. If he has, it's only because I pushed him away a bit. Ladies, I clearly have a problem here. On one hand, there is a man who wants nothing further with me. On the other hand, I have a man who would probably want everything with me.