So, this has kind of been my
theme over the past couple of weeks, “Healthy Conflict.” For one part of my
dissertation project I adapted an HIV, sexually transmitted infections, and
teen pregnancy prevention curriculum so it is culturally appropriate for Native
youth and I touched on healthy conflicts within relationships. I told my Native
teens that when you put two different people together, there’s bound to be
conflict, and conflict is healthy because it’s a natural process of being in a
relationship. Every relationship is bound to come across some type of conflict,
whether it’s friendships, family, or intimate relationships! I incorporated
this Navajo story within my adapted curriculum to help teach them in a
culturally appropriate demeanor that within our culture, there are teachings
about “healthy conflicts.”
[Navajo Tribe]
Monster Slayer (The Twin Brother of Born-for-Water, sons of Changing
Woman and the Sun), made preparation for the inhabitants of this earth. He
killed all the monsters, everything that would prey on the people. When he
thought he had got rid of all the monsters that would be deadly to the people,
that would devour the people, he thought he had finished his role and he was
coming back to his home on that little mesa that is the cradle of our origin.
Then he met someone and asked him, “I thought I killed all the enemies
of the people. Are you still alive, or where did I dodge you?” then he found
out this was Poverty. “No, grandchild, I don’t want to be killed,” Said
Poverty. “If you kill me, then it will be the end of humanity, because you will
have no knowledge of the needs, the necessity of one another, and the urge to
do things for yourself and others. I should be here, and it will help you to
develop compassion for one another. There will be need, there will be
necessity, there will be the urgency to do things for yourself and for those
around you because you are a human and you have certain needs. Your moccasins
will wear away and there is a necessity that you get new moccasins. It develops
your mind that you have to acquire and look for those things you need and
others need. If you kill me, you will be like the rest of the animal world,
without compassion for your fellow man and concern for yourself. You, as a
human, should retain me. But I’m not the only one. There are four of us all in
this category.” The first one that he met, he didn’t kill-he didn’t kill
Poverty. He didn’t kill the need. He saw that man needed poverty to be humble
and to be concerned with the needs of others as well as himself.
He met another one-as the first one stated, there were four of them. He
met the second person, The Sun God boy says, “I thought I killed all the
monsters that would be killing the humanity on this earth, but I notice that
you’re still alive.” The answer came that he didn’t want to be killed because
“I have a definite purpose to live and to stay with you.” He found that it was
Hunger. “Because I must have a place in your life to bother your stomach. When
your stomach becomes empty, you will feel that you’re hungry and you will think,
develop your mind about how to get food. You will become industrious and stop
being lazy. You will go out and look for game or into the fields to get the
crop. I have a definite purpose to live with your people. Without me, you will
be lazy and couldn’t develop the qualities of mind and strength you should have
for the world.” So that’s the second person he let go. Hunger was not killed.
The Spirit of Hunger was not destroyed. It was left purposely to remain with us
to make us work.
Then he went ahead and he met the third person. He asked him the same
question. “I thought I had killed all the enemies of humanity. Are you still
around here? How was it I missed you?” He found that it was fatigue. Every
night we should go to sleep. It’s a must if we are not to forget the world of
the spirit. We have to have the sleep to be in good health. “If you kill me,”
said Fatigue, “You will never rest. You have to have your sleep each night to
replenish both your physical and spiritual strength. Without sleep man would forget
the spirit and be aware of only the physical world. If you kill me, that will
be the end. Your eyes will dry up. You won’t get the necessary rest to continue
your life.” So he didn’t kill him. He let him abide with humanity. But there is
an extreme to that thing, too. If you do nothing but sleep and sleep, you’ll
die of poverty. You’ll be lazy and die of want. It is part of the life
necessity to sleep, but if you continue to do nothing but sleep, you’ll fall
into the hands of hunger which forces you to work. He let Fatigue go because it
was necessary that he be retained as a help to humanity.
He went on again and met the fourth person. He told him the same thing,
“I thought I had killed all the enemies of humanity, and here you are. “You’re
still alive.” He found it was Body Lice. He wanted to kill him, but the Body
Lice also has a purpose. Without lice, people wouldn’t bother to keep clean.
When people come together to come each other’s hair, it’s kind of a leisure
period for them. Those periods, they’ll be talking about something that
happened with the community. It serves a purpose that they have the time to
visit. Body Lice forces people to make an effort to keep clean and to be
sociable. So he wasn’t killed either. Body Lice he let go, to abide with
humanity. Four of those, as a group, were given freedom to operate in their
sphere. By viewing this legend, we know that it definitely has purpose. It is a
problem-how to combat the needs in a person’s life, how to think of others,
what to wear, what to eat. Is he tired? Does he need that rest? Does he need
that cleanliness? To my knowledge, it is those things that are an aid to humans
to force us to think, to act. I think it was well that they were spared
otherwise our efforts for the needs of the human race would have dried up.
–Navajo
The point of this blog is to
state that EVERY relationship will encounter conflicts and it’s how you deal
with them that can make or break the relationship. Our conflicts are needed for
us to grow and evolve individually and in the relationship as a couple. There
is a balance to everything!!
