Discussion with your partners about HIV & STIs

I’ve met a lot of people who stated they don’t think about having an initial discussion about sexually transmitted infections and HIV/AIDS when they engage in sexual relationships or when they begin a relationship. A lot of people may think it’s hard to bring up THAT discussion because of the “uncomfortableness.” I mean what do you ask and how do you ask it? Do you ask questions like: How many partners have you had? Have you ever been tested? If so, when? If not, will you? Most Native people seem to be a bit shyer than others about certain things, especially talking about sex because of the taboo in our community. Also, the women are more assertive and men are less assertive. In light of today being National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, I encourage my ladies to take charge of your own bodies and your own sexual relationships. First, I encourage you to get tested! I know this may be scary but it’s always good to know your health status. Second, I encourage you to go buy condoms! Even if you’re not going to engage in sexual activity, but there will be a time when you do, so even if you’re currently not engaging in sex, go through the experience of buying condoms. Because I know most women feel this is a “man’s” job to do so and depend on the “man” to have condoms. Why can’t “we” carry our own condoms around and know we are equipped. Let’s get comfortable with us going into the store and buying condoms and have them. I feel this gives us self-responsibility and self-empowerment to know, regardless, we are safe. Third, have a discussion with your partner or future partner about getting tested. Personally, this is a requirement for me, for my significant other to get tested before any sexual activity transpires between us. I work in the trenches of sexual health and believe me, if you knew what I know, you would require everyone to get tested too. Since I work in the field, it’s a lot easier for me to have these discussions and make my significant other get tested if they want to be with me. If you’re not ready to have this discussion but you want to engage in sexual activity, then simply have him strap it up EVERY time or use a dental dam  (female oral sex protector) if your with a female, and no unprotected oral sex to ensure you are being the safest you can. If you want to have a discussion with your partner but you’re not sure how or what to say, follow this script below:

US: I really like you and I am interested in taking our relationship further, but I would like us to get tested before we do. I don’t feel comfortable us engaging in sexual activity if we don’t know each other’s status. (But make sure you go together, hear your results together, OR you see his paperwork with his name on it. Don’t get his/her word only. You need evidence!!)

If your significant other doesn’t agree or doesn’t want to, you can’t MAKE them. But, to me that’s always been a red flag because they either have something to hide, or they don’t respect themselves or you enough to get tested. SO, I say keep it movin’! OR you can ensure that you both use protection in all sexual acts every time as the other option. However, that may be a risk because the more you engage in sexual activity with that person, the more apt you may be likely tobecome more comfortable and let your guard down after time passes. I encourage all my Native gals to take a stance and become responsible for and with our bodies! We are strong women and state our mind in all arenas in our life, why can’t we include it in our sexual life???!!!!!!!!