I met a guy about 9 months ago
during 2016 Superbowl weekend. We “dated” or “talked” or whatever you call it
for a couple of months. It did not go well because I found him to be arrogant,
conceited, egotistical, and patriarchal. We clashed a lot during our times of
“dating.” I felt like we debated so much and we had to prove our individual
points. He had his male ego and I had my feminist ego. To be fair, I’ll say we
got on each other’s nerves. And around that time, I found out I was coming to
work at UCLA and we just stopped talking. Also, I thought this would never work
anyways, because he was so ANNOYING to me. No big deal…just part of the dating
game is finding people you’re not compatible with I thought.
Fast forward to end of October.
I saw him at the sports book where I always watch football, he approached me
and said, “I thought you moved to LA but I’ve seen you here a couple of times.”
I said, “I did but only 50% of my time and the other 50% I live here.” He said,
“You look pretty…can I have your number again and the reason why I stopped
talking to you from my end was because I thought you moved and I thought how
can I build something with someone who is moving?” In my mind, I thought, no we
stopped talking because we weren’t compatible…well at least on my end that’s
why. However, I gave him my number again anyways just to see…
What happened in the beginning
was the same thing. We clashed as usual. For example, we had different
perceptions of time and respect of time, among other things. I went all “Navajo
woman” on him a few times because he was getting on my damn nerves. My Navajo
woman-ness walked out on him while watching a game together and yelling at him,
lol. I thought, why am I even talking to this dude?! So, I texted him saying: I can only be your homie-nothing more.
We can go watch games together and you can holla at girls in front of me, I’ll
even hook you up because I have some good girls that are my friends that you’ll
probably be even more compatible with. I tried to push him away as far
as I could and suggested to try to hook him up with some of my girls! Through
all my drama and me pushing him away, he overlooked it, and never took me up on
my offer to be hooked up with one of my girls, lol.
I have spent time with him over
these past few days while in LA. This man is a successful business owner, has
linear thought, thinks such like a man, ambitious, confident, doesn’t second
guess his decisions because he’s thoroughly thought about it and/or knows what
he wants. He’s in LA for family circumstances but he’s made every effort to see
me daily. He communicated to me that, “I’m grown and I know what I want or don’t
want.” After spending this time with him and getting to know him better, I find
we’re not so different after all. He still has his ego and annoying
perspectives as a man, but I’d rather he have those thoughts. For example, he
says things like, “A man provides, makes the money, takes care of bills, a man
this…, a man that…” I tend to get annoyed with what he says and believes,
because I’m a woman that is capable of making my own money, paying for my own
bills…etc. However, would I rather him he say, “I don’t want to provide, I don’t
want to make money, I don’t want to pay bills, etc..?” Ommmm..HELL NO! I have
to check myself on my feminism because I want a hard-working and ambitious man,
and that’s what he is. We have a joke where he says, “I fired you like 5 times
and you’re still here.” Then, I say, “I’ve fired you like 7 times and you’re
still here.” LOL
We have a lot in common but it
was hard for me to see through that because I was seeking all his negative traits
first-rather than getting to know him first. That was a learning lesson to me:
Never judge a book by its cover. What’s your learning lesson when it comes to
dating/love/relationships?
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