Awareness

I have been in contact recently with a few relatives/friends who are enduring break-ups. I refer them back to my previous post to read a great perspective on “love lost.” However, from my end, I reflect back on my life and my “single-ness” I’ve had over this past ~1.5 years since my last break-up. There were times where I felt lonely and somber and missed being in a relationship. There were times I missed my ex, but not in the context of the “relationship” aspect, but more of the “friendship” aspect I realized later. Reflecting back I am so happy that both my ex and I got out of an unhealthy relationship because neither of us was truly happy. He deserves to be happy and so do I. Because that’s what life is supposed to be about, you’re supposed to be happy more than sad/disappointed/stress/miserable. So when we find ourselves in situations that harbor more negative feelings than positive ones, then it’s time for us to re-evaluate the situation and find the strength somewhere to leave it. It’s not always going to be easy and it’s not always going to be what we want, but sometimes we have to look way deeper inside and decide what is best for MYSELF.

 As Natives, when we reflect back into ceremonies, especially puberty/initiation ceremonies, which are arranged at a point in a young man/woman’s life to teach them about responsibility. The elders lecture the young men and women about certain aspects of their future responsibilities; responsibility to self, family, and community. But, most importantly our teachings talk about our responsibility to ourselves. At the same time, the entire growing up of the child has been a learning experience, a lesson in responsibility. Because in the end, you are alone-that is, you have to make decisions for yourself, decisions that will affect yourself, family, community and the natural world. Therefore, personal awareness is at the heart of responsibility: to be aware of what is going on around you and what life holds in store for you-all of life’s possibilities throughout your life to old age. This is a Native way of teaching. Let me repeat, personal awareness is at the heart of responsibility: to be aware of what is going on around you and what life holds in store for you, all of life’s possibilities throughout your life. This is a powerful statement and a teaching from the Luiseno tribe. We all have to be personally aware of our surroundings, not just physical, but emotional/mental/spiritual as well. Are we in spaces and places internally, as well as externally, that are healthy? If not, what can I do to change it? How can I bring back that harmony to my spirit, mind, heart, and body?

 As for me, I left a relationship or the relationship left me. Either way…it ended. Currently, I un-expectantly met a man who treats me with respect, honesty, and love. I exude positive and healthy feelings from him, and in return, I am aware WE are mutually in a healthy and loving relationship. This is something I’ve never been in before, a healthy relationship. There are; no games (never have, even since Day 1), no questions, no curiosity, no lies, no cheating, no verbal/mental/physical abuse, no taking advantage, no blaming. I am in awe of such an amazing man that came into my life and made me believe that good men exist and healthy relationships exist. I am happy.

-Crystal Lee