Our first relationships

Over the weekend we had a dialogue at our “Southern Nevada Teen Pregnancy Prevention” instructor training. The dialogue consisted of how/why fathers are so pertinent for their daughters prosperity in terms of relational development. It made me think of what my homeboy told me one time, “A boys first girlfriend is his mother and a daughters first boyfriend is her father.” SO TRUE! If you look back upon one of my previous blogs titled “Importance of fathers”, I spoke a lot about how my father was influential in shaping my life. However, I did speak in more of a practical sense and not in how it relates to my romantic relationships. A male (my dad) in my life showed me unconditional love. Therefore, when I got older I became confident that I did not need a man to fill a void in my life and seek love out in an unhealthy demeanor. I do not need a man to define me. I am not co-dependent upon men: emotionally, financially, or physically. I feel a lot of those things are because I had a father to teach me love from a father to his daughter. Matter of fact I am still daddy’s girl. My dad gives me money because he wants to, not because he has to or that I need him to. My dad has always been employed and has been an awesome provider for me growing up. My dad still spoils me. So now I am internalizing those traits and looking for my future life partner to do the same. My father set the precedence on how unconditional love from a man feels and looks like.

Also, I am keen to bullshit. I can sense some male bullshit from a mile away because my dad taught me how sneaky men can be because my dad is a bachelor for life (lol). For instance, I was at a casino yesterday and this girl was talking about how she sweatin’ this dude and he only calls her when it’s convenient for him and she’s getting tired of the ‘games’. I told her at this point, were grown. I’m 33 years old and I have no time for games. If I get red flags that a dude is not feelin’ as much or more than me, then I’m cool. I will emotionally/mentally check out because I don’t have time for no games. I chalk it up to if you like me, I will know and I will not question it. If you don’t, you don’t, and that’s cool, no harm-no foul, I will keep it movin’. Plus, I don’t NEED love from anyone who’s unworthy anymore.

When talking about teen pregnancy prevention, a lot of these teen girls are seeking love because of the lack of fathers in their lives. They had no one to teach them what love from a man feels and looks like, so they subject themselves to unhealthy behaviors or mindsets. I feel for these young girls today that are in that situation. We deal with relationships by the way we were raised, period. We all stem from Native communities so this is common sense. I hope the men that are reading this and not a part of their children’s lives can try a little harder to spend time with their children because whatever is lacking emotionally/mentally from their lives, they could find an unhealthy outlet.