Again

What is it about relationships? I’m talking about ALL relationships that are not family bonded that include romantic relationships and friendships. Is that old cliché’ true that everyone can be in your life for a lifetime or a season? Or they were just there to teach you a lesson? Or is it simple enough that one of you messed up in the relationship and that is the consequence of the relationship, it ends. For those of you who actually read my blog I must admit my relationship ended weeks ago. I am being vulnerable by even writing this right now but maybe this is a start of my outlet to help me release my pain. This time has been difficult for me and my first challenge was to acknowledge and comprehend that it is really over, it’s over, it’s over, it’s over, I keep telling myself. Because I went through those stages of being angry at my former relationship, which made me “OK” with the ending of it at first because of all the anger that I possessed towards him, towards us, or just anger in general. When I was angry I was not sad. I had a sense of relief that it was over for the first couple of weeks. Then my feelings went from angry to missing him. I was no longer angry at the relationship so I started to possess hope that maybe we could work it out. I started to decipher our communication and would analyze what he said/didn’t say. Then more recently, I acknowledge that it is really done. Now, I am in the grieving process, which is the hardest. I keep thinking to myself, another relationship of mine ended? What is wrong with ME? Frankly, I already know my faults and shortcomings. I made excuses for them and had justifications as to why I acted or reacted to certain things. However, one lesson I take from this former relationship is that no matter how frustrated/angry/resentful I may get at a person it gave me no right to be disrespectful. I know at times it’s hard not to say or do harsh things when emotions are involved but it’s still my lesson I needed to take away from all of this. I keep reminding myself of the good ole’ clichés we all love so much during a break-up; “If it’s meant to be then you will find your way back to each other”, “If you love someone let them go and if they don’t come back then they were never yours to begin with”, “Time heals all pain”. *Sigh. I will cry. I will hurt. I will have sleepless nights. I will be alone and hate it. I will grieve. But with time I will heal. I will be ok. I will love again. This too shall pass.