Domestic Violence

I recently had a meeting with the Department of Justice on Violence Against Indian Women, which prompted my thought process of this sensitive topic. Domestic violence is extremely high in our tribal communities. When I speak to other my non-Native friends, a lot of them have not witnessed domestic violence growing up. I am speaking about domestic violence between; males beating females, females beating males, men beating men (gay), and women beating women (lesbian) couples. When many people think of domestic violence, they think of men beating women and it stops there. I have witnessed domestic violence growing up and it took a toll on my life…even until now. How do we learn to heal instead of internalizing our hurt and recycling it among our partners? This is NOT okay even though it’s common in our communities. It seems as if our people think well it happens so nothing we can do about it and we use it as an excuse to accept it. I had to take a step back at myself and think about my angry outbursts upon my relationships and I know I did so many things wrong in those angry episodes. Now, I have to grow up and think this is NOT what adults do. I am a grown individual..so why do I act crazy sometimes?! I know my environment definitely molded my characteristics but I needed to step in and say that is not an excuse as to why I did/do certain things. At what point does ownership of our own feelings, experiences, emotions, and traits invade our soul to change? This topic is so sensitive to talk about but this conversation is needed. I have been involved in a physical abusive relationship before. It was not a good thing. I’ve been hit and I have hit back. Thank goodness I am no longer in one. Was this hard for me to say? Of course it was. No one needs to experience “love” in this form, whether if it is how you give love or receive it. Imagine being in a normal, healthy, and loving relationship with no verbal or physical abuse; whether you’re the abuser or the abused. Imagine you healed over the wrong doings you experienced or perpetrated among somebody else. Forgiveness; forgiveness towards yourself and your past is key. Forgive.