Awkward BABY!

I have a position that is something I am not willing to give up. In being a Native woman, I have always wanted a full-blooded Native baby! Yes, I have dated Native men and love them but maybe it has not been in my destiny to “marry” one at this point. Regardless, of who I am and was dating, I have always known that I still wanted to have my full-blooded Native baby, either through artificial insemination or adoption.


I had a Black boyfriend and I communicated this at the beginning of our relationship and he must have thought I would have changed my mind as the relationship continued, but I didn’t. My mindset was you made your decision to have your kids before me and I made this decision before you but I didn’t have a chance to follow through with it. I respect you, your decision to have kids, and your kids, so why can’t you respect mine? I feel it’s no disrespect against you but this has been MY decision before you and I am not saying that you and I can’t have a child together because I would have your child in addition to my Native baby. I am not sure if this hurt his ego or anything but this discussion was meant to hurt no one, but merely to communicate my stance.

Years into our relationship we had a deep talk about it again (mind you he is a very prideful Black male and happy to be who he is). He stated “You know I love you to even be considering this...but I do not think I could ‘deal’ with you having another man’s baby in you…and when my friends say ‘congratulations’ but I say it’s not really my baby...I mean that’s a lot...have you thought about that?” He continues to say “But those things are not even really my real issues...my real issue is when you have this baby I will raise it and love it as if it will be my own and I will be the father...however, what if we don’t work out? Will you take that child out of my life because I am not the biological father and I will not have any rights to the child...have you thought about that?” So, I figured maybe adopting a child in this situation would be the better choice?

On a similar note, there was a situation that one of my niece’s friends (a Navajo girl) who was in junior high school. She came from an abusive family that had her going to and from different homes so my family embraced her and took her in. I told my family I would consider adopting her if she needed a stable place to stay and my boyfriend completely supported me in that decision and said “If you need any help then I’m here and I support your decision.” I thought “WOW…that is great to know!”

On another note, I have this Native male friend who is attractive, single, no kids, employed, and around my age. So, at one point I asked him if we were both single at a later date and had no kids, then would you ever consider being my sperm donor? He stated, “He would consider it and he would like to have a full-blooded Native baby as well.” Then we had a discussion again after he knew I had a Black boyfriend and he had a problem with this hypothetical arrangement because he said, “I would have an issue with a Black man raising my baby…have you thought about that?” I felt he would have an issue with ANY man raising his baby and this might be too close to home and was probably not the best idea to ask someone you know.

WELL, apparently there are MANY things for me to consider and many people’s feelings for me to consider! Conversations are still on-going…

Communication Blunders!

SO communication, communication, communication in a relationship is quite tricky at times or maybe all the time! After bickering and arguing on and off, you begin to notice that each of you do not or do not want to understand each other! How can you truly communicate with your partner so your view makes sense to them and vice versa? Seriously, I say blue and he hears black and vice versa. When I communicate something the other person completely hears and receives what I say as something else, in which, they may get defensive, mad, or confused. I attest that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Do all couples have a communication gap in their relationship? I suppose because you are taking two completely different people and spend day in-day out with this person and you will naturally incur issues, however, how do you work out your issues when your communication cue is off?

Whatever Works

“I was married once, and I would have to say it was successful, fun, and exciting for the first few years, until…we tried to be married like everyone else was married. Yes, I was immature back then... and didn’t have the communication skills to have a successful marriage. But the other issue was that my wife and I didn’t know how to customize our marriage to work for us! We ended as friends but we didn't deal with our marriage as wisely as we should have.


My advice to those who are serious about committing for the long term is to avoid modeling your relationship after your parents, friends, or what you see on TV. Take the important lessons from their examples but set your own standards and boundaries… and then tell everyone else to mind their own damned business!

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is allowing outsiders to influence how they conduct their relationship. Stop trying to have a normal relationship when you are clearly NOT normal! Dare to be different and have a unique relationship that works for you!" ~ Michael Baisden

I read this message from radio personality Michael Baisden and liked what he had to say. I mean why do relationships have to model the mainstream version of what marriage is portrayed as? I’m a Native and I do not see myself being the typical “American” because I am not. As Natives we have different worldviews about every element of our life, so why should we base our relationships upon what is mainstream American? For instance, one of my bosses (who is minority) said, “Crystal, you and I are not like a lot of other women in terms of our education/financial status…so when I was looking for my lifelong partner, he did not necessarily have to be the most educated or make the most money because I found that type of men boring to me..I was just looking for someone who was down..and you have to find what best fit is for you. Maybe you don’t need a man to make a lot of money, but his emotional support may be more important to you than his financial support.”

This made me think of my ideal roles in my envisioned future household. What would I want this picture to look like? I mean I hate cleaning, suck at cooking, hate doing laundry, I do not iron, I hate grocery shopping…so why would I want any man to expect those “female” dominated roles onto me when that’s not my forte’ and maybe vice versa. My specialty is making money…so maybe while I am at the office making money, which is my forte’, then my future husband can be at home cooking/cleaning!

Blurry Road

Have you ever been in a relationship that has its ups and downs? But, ultimately leading to more bad times than good? I think everyone has at some point of their previous or current relationships. It’s a confusing state to be in because two prominent questions quickly jump out in my mind:


1. Because we have a history and we truly do care and love each other, do we wait out the storm with hopes it will get better and we can overcome the issues?

1a. If so, how long will that take?

-I heard a radio interview of a couple that has been married for many decades. They spoke about how in their marriage that they had many issues at times, hated each other at times, and wanted to get a divorce at times, but they never did. They worked through their issues, although it seemed impossible at times. At the end of working through their issues, they fell back in love all over again, and again, and again.

2. OR do we say we waited long enough and it is not getting any better so let’s go our separate ways?

-As I think back to my previous relationships…I am actually really happy we broke up because we were not meant to be together! It was a blessing. So with that being said, should people break up if on-going issues arise?

It’s a gamble, ironically, I live in the gambling city in the WORLD. Do you end the current relationship, only to be in a worse relationship? Or do you end the current relationship, only to be in a better relationship?

Words of Advice

This past Sunday me and my homegirl went to a neighboring casino to watch the Ravens/Patriots game and I was wearing white Jordans/Knicks sweatshirt/Knicks hat. This 60 year old, light skin, Black man was sitting by me and he started talking to me randomly. He stated, “your tall and I’m scared of you.” LOL Then he proceeds to say, “Your dominant…I bet you control your man.” LOL I say no, “I’m a nice girl.”  He says in a nutshell, “No, your friend is nice…your tough and controlling..I bet with you it has to be your way all the time and if not then you get an attitude..why are you so angry? Let me tell you to give that man a break and not be so angry, I guarantee he will love you more for it.” Then he walks off. I was in total shock because I’m like this random guy does not even know me but was on point about it all. I took it as a sign!!! I need to be a lot calmer and nicer, especially to the man I love, not everything has to be a fight. 

Truth time, reflection time, real time

As I sit here I am facing my real harsh reality that maybe I am not always the GRAND person everyone perceives me to be. I have opposite demeanor traits that I am hurtful and shameful about. I feel broken but strong, I feel smart but feel stupid, I feel rich but poor, because I feel the natural dichotomy of life. As I shed tears of pride, hurt, love, heart broken-ness, success, and failure I have to remind myself that I am human. True reflection reveals every vulnerable position that I have ever been placed in and every flaw that I have ever endured within my past, current, and possible future road that I have to or will take. That in itself is scary. How do I encompass my revered flaws to overcome my individual life obstacles? Ironically the song “Bruised but not broken” by Joss Stone is playing over the air and that resonates some message. I am feeling that every person can make room for change and improvement in some facet of their daily lives, including me. I take personal blame on every capacity of my situations, because many of those situations resulted in my personal decisions. For I am human and with that comes truth, responsibility, and challenges that will ultimately result in courage and wisdom. This includes a ripple effect of an holistic paradigm that ultimately effects our personal lives, careers, friendships, family, and romantic relationships. Life can be hard so are we prepared to endure it with respect, compassion, passion, and love? These are lessons!

Throwback Intro

As I was starring at my eyebrows looking for those pesky little hairs to tweeze I started to take a deep look at myself. It’s a well known fact that I am a woman. But, there’s much more to me than that, which I’m sure every female is aware of their personal uniqueness: good or bad. I resume back to what makes me the “core” of my inner-self. I am a Navajo woman. For centuries, the Navajo people, especially the women have displayed the true essence of strength and resiliency. We survived the “Long Walk” in 1864 in which the US government made thousands of Navajo people walk 300 miles to Fort Sumner in New Mexico. We were forced to leave our homeland and to leave the protection of the Four Sacred Mountains. We were forced to live in starvation, to live in diseased living conditions, and to live inhumanely. We survived as a Nation and eventually returned back to our original homeland. As Native people we survived genocide, cultural assimilation and relocation that have occurred since 1492. Although we still face tremendous disparities in every facet imaginable, our spirit is not broken. I am proud to say that our tribal people overcame many obstacles and we still remain culturally and spiritually connected to our heritage. With that being said, through my dating experiences, there are often reoccurring statements I hear, such as: “Native women are mean”, “Native women are stubborn”, “Native women are hard to date”, “Navajo women are the meanest”, or “Crystal, why are you so aggressive?”, “Crystal, you are not the easiest person to date”. My list of phrases can go on and on, but I assume you get the point. Now, referencing back to what makes us “Native”, we have incorporated all the strength and resilience our ancestors had to endure because it runs through our blood. Most Native American tribes are matriarchal. We trace our lineage through our mother and we hold honored places in our tribes. We have no choice but to be strong; to be strong for ourselves, our families, and for future generations. It’s safe to say I find it annoying when men say things like that. I find that they are intimidated by our strength because their weaknesses are highlighted and we let them know what their weaknesses are. We let them know, not because were “mean”, but because we deserve the best and we expect our men to step up to the plate. We may not communicate it the best sometimes, but being blunt about things is in our nature. Ladies, what do you think? I will be back soon to talk about many more topics about us and dating/relationships.



P.S. I wrote this blog a long time ago but they started a new system on this blog and therefore all my previous blogs were erased