How does the current state of race relations impact relationships?

The current state of race relations is not new. There has always been racial tension between communities of color and Euro-Americans since this country was stolen from us Natives. As a whole, Natives and Blacks have the highest disparities in all categories that negatively impact our daily lives. According to the Department of Justice, Center on Juvenile & Criminal Justice, and Lakota People’s Law Project:

·       Natives are incarcerated at a rate 38% higher than the national average

·       Native youth are 30% more likely than Whites to be referred to juvenile court than have charges dropped

·       Native men are incarcerated at 4X’s the rate of White men; Native women are incarcerated at 6X’s the rate of White women

·       88% of violent crimes committed against Natives is done by non-Natives

·       Natives are more likely to be killed than any other racial group

The state of this country’s current situation is bringing out the discussion of race relation issues. It may be uncomfortable for some, however, it’s not uncomfortable to me because I have learned quite early on by my father, who went to Law School, that there will always be discrimination. In fact, he told me that I will have it 10X’s harder than anybody else because I’m minority and I’m a female, so I have to work 10X’s harder than everyone else just to be deemed as “equal.” Let’s not be ignorant and dismissive of these issues. They exist. However, some people do not want to recognize it, talk about it, “give into” it, etc…I am not exactly sure why that is the case.

My question is, how do these race relations impact our daily interactions or romantic relationships? I know for myself, I lack trust because I have been discriminated against consistently, and when it constantly occurs, my trust walls have risen. It is my natural and instinctive way to protect myself. Living on the reservation and traveling in-and-out of neighboring cities and towns, there’s significant amount of discrimination that exist among Natives.

My frustration and personal experiences have put me in a place of frustration. However, instead of using my frustration negatively, I try to apply it towards fighting for equality and trying to create change in our communities. Nevertheless, at some point there’s a level of tiredness, skeptical thinking, and overwhelming feelings that gets the best of you.

For these reasons, I choose to date men of color. I want to relate to my partner on a level of consciousness he can understand that stems from historical trauma. I know this thought logic may seem weird. But, I want to know when I come home from trying to “fight the world” sort of speak, those frustrations that are are within me, that he can truly empathize with my pain at those times. There’s a level of understanding where he “just knows.” He can say those right words to support me or give me my space to take the overwhelming burdens of the outside world off my shoulders and keep it outside, letting me know I am safe with him on every level imaginable, especially mentally. I want to be able to vent freely, without confusion or lack of understanding on his part. 

I am not always in a trusting space to intimately interact with people who have not experienced discrimination or oppression. I feel like this because what if they say something ignorant, then what would my reaction be? What if they dismiss my experiences or concerns? What if they deem me as an "angry Native girl?" What if they don't believe me. What if they think "i'm trippin?" 

I also find it interesting that when I’m with my people of color, professional colleagues we talk about our “brown people” challenges because it is integrated into our daily lives, whether we want it to be or not, we have no choice. We talk about our work, career, families, that circle around our personal identity, whether it’s bad or good. For example, my Black friends talk about how they talk to their Black children, especially their sons. Parallel, to how my father talked to me about discrimination as I was a kid. It’s our parents’ duties to prepare us for life. When I’m around my White colleagues, the discussion of race or discrimination never occurs. They talk about their daily work challenges, which is challenging, but racial discrimination or profiling is not part of their daily-lived experiences, so there’s no reference to it.

I find it interesting how these situations cause a divide and people are “uncomfortable” to talk about it because they may have opposite views or experiences. We all have different experiences and viewpoints. As a Native woman, these are my personal experiences and viewpoints.

#Equality #KnowledgeIsPower #DecolonizeYourMind