Fear

When I used to think about relationships I always had this nonchalant feeling. I was usually so easy-breezy about them, meaning I did not make marriage/kids a priority. I always thought if it happens then it does and if it does not I have a back-up plan! My closest uncle passed a few weeks ago and I started to think about life a little different. I came to the realization that I do want a husband and a kid. This kind of epiphany was scary to me!! Now all the “what-if” questions come to mind. What it does not happen? What if it does and he is the wrong guy? What if! It seems it was easier to have an easy-breezy mindset about this because it alleviated so much pressure. I’m not going to force anything because that is not my style. But this mindset makes me even MORE picky, which I suppose is a good thing. Knowing exactly what you want can be scary because you know and you will settle for nothing less than that. When you will settle for nothing less than that then it seems as if options become narrower and even harder to find.