Male Hiatus

My schedule is hectic. My main job is working at UNLV as a Graduate Research Assistant to assist on implementing an HIV/AIDS and teen pregnancy prevention program with Black youth. My second job is working at the Clark County School District. My third job is working at the Las Vegas Indian Center with their alcohol and substance abuse prevention program that targets Native youth. My fourth job is working as a psych-social rehabilitation provider working with Latina youth. My fifth job starts this summer working at UNLV library. Not to mention I am a full-time doctoral student working on my Ph.D. Also, I volunteer/work with the United Nations (I will be in NYC next week for 1.5 weeks) doing advocacy work and I work with the White House as a tribal consultant on tribal affairs. I started my own non-profit organization, United Natives, which is a non-government organization working with the United Nations. United Natives works with Native youth in health, education, leadership, and culture. I do not pay myself on my non-profit, so I consider this a volunteer job, but a job nonetheless. I write this blog and trying to turn this into a book on my down time, when I get them! Also, I workout and am on my way to losing weight (yay me!). Last, I have to find time to sleep, eat, clean, errands, and chill with my girls because they keep me sane, and spend time with family! I am SUPER BUSY! I am never home and live out of my car. For instance last week in between my jobs I took a nap in my car for 1.5 hours!

With all this hustle going on I figure I should go on a male hiatus. I mean I am crazy busy and I figure I do not have time to deal with any relationships. Besides, the male I was extremely interested in moved back to the Midwest (where he is originally from) to pursue his dream/opportunity that Las Vegas could not give him. He already knew he was moving back before we started kicking it because he told me. I thought I could not get caught up because he’s leaving soon but I ended up really liking him. But, I figured maybe it was not in the cards for us to be together. The timing is bad anyways because I feel I do not need any distractions when I have so much going on in my life. Ugh but this still sucks finding someone you really like and then they leave. Just my luck. After he left in early April I thought I am going on a male hiatus! Forget men because they are not meant to be in my life now!

Then on my quest to be on this loner mission in my life the oddest thing occurred within the past 3 days. First, my ex-ex boyfriend (we broke up about 3 years ago) contacted me and told me he’s still in love with me and wants to work on getting back together. Second, my most recent ex (we broke up about 7 months ago and have not talked since) started texting me out of the blue two days ago trying to converse about random life events. I was taken back and did not feel comfortable engaging in the conversation due to my own reasons. But, that was random because I thought we would never speak again.

Last, a guy I met 6 years ago in L.A. on a random weekend get away got in contact with me yesterday. I met him at a reggae club on in Long Beach on Friday night (we danced all night), me and my friends met up with him again on Saturday to join him at another club, and on Sunday he took me out on a date. I came back to Vegas on Monday and have not seen him since although we continued to keep in touch after. At that time he told me he really liked me and wanted us to be in a relationship together. I thought it was way too soon and he was just spittin’ game so I never took him seriously. Then, he told me to move to L.A. and that he would completely take care of me so I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to (but I’m not built like that). The last time I spoke to him was about 2.5 years ago when I told him that he should not call me anymore because I was in a serious relationship and it was not appropriate that he call. So he stopped. But yesterday he called and we talked. He told me when he met me it was love at first sight for him. That he fell in love with me then and STILL loves me now. That I was the one that got away. He told me he would do anything for us to be together because he does not want to lose me. This was totally random, romantic and like a movie. And this guy is fine too!

Ok can I say this is all brain overload?! Over the past 3 days! I am like so much for a male hiatus! There are so much emotions and thoughts running around my mind and dancing around my almost stoic heart. Also, I can’t get my Midwest guy out of my headspace because I really did/do like him. And where did my past come from so quickly? I mean I have two guys saying they love me…flattering, absolutely, but now what to do with all this?! Also, an ex reaching out to me who I still care for and wish him the best but that opened some emotional wounds and more. I guess us Native women got some magic over men, lol, (j/k) but for real. I am really writing this one blog to vent and let some emotional air out. SO confusing. You think you know men and you think they have no soul sometimes.  But then sometimes stuff like this may tweak your stereotypes. When it rains, it pours, so for me I feel like it's raining men. I just need a minute to process this overload.  I just need to breathe.