Kids?

I am a SUPER single female meaning I am not married, never been, and do not have kids. I have chosen not to have kids at all points of my life due to wanting to obtain a lifestyle that I deem as “financially stable” and I have not found the “right” person thus far as well. These two factors play every role as to why I have not chosen to have kids yet. As I have told many of my close friends and family, until I can afford a “Magda” in Sex in the City OR have a husband whose income level is parallel or exceeds mine, then I can seriously consider having a kid. For example, I have had my little 11-year old sister with me for 3 weeks this summer in Las Vegas. Although, she is not an infant or toddler, she is expensive and it takes a LOT of work to watch a kid. From this experience, I have learned how important it is to either;

a) Be married. (I have never really considered nor looked forward to getting married because it never was appealing to me due to observations among individuals who were married) However, due to the experiences of having my little sister for 3 weeks this summer, I can appreciate the importance of the financial and physical “help” for taking care of your kids because it takes a LOT of work. Two incomes and two modes of caring for the child (mom and dad) I acknowledge are important components of raising a child.
b) Be EXTRA financially stable if alone. If I choose not to get married but I choose to have a child, I know having an income that is comparable to two individual incomes or more is necessary. I need to afford help like a “Magda” in Sex in the City and simultaneously my personal luxurious lifestyle without compensation of either or.

I know many females out there have children and I know it is the best blessing life can offer. However, I know it can be physically, emotionally, and financially strenuous. I commend mothers, especially SINGLE mothers who do it alone. You all sacrifice so much for your children, which is the right thing to do.

I believe we all have a choice. I have seen my family struggle and understand how it feels to live pay-check to pay-check. At an early age, I have known I was going to finish college, make mad money, take care of my family (mom, little sister, dad, and others), and then last try the family thing. I keep reflecting back when my family (grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles, mom, and dad) always used to tell me growing up, “You finish school first before you have kids because kids are a lot of work and to have a better life for you and your family the easiest way to do is finish school first then you can think about having a family.” That always stuck with me in my head and still does.

A random experience dealt with me dating a guy who had kids. I thought he was definitely a great father and did right by his kids. However, he was not financially stable due to the bad economy and when he was financially stable he took care of his family. But, I could not take the chance of being with someone who was on-again off-again financially stable, especially if he already had kids. I thought if I ever dated a guy with kids, he needs to be extra financially stable so his finances will not fall on me in any capacity, even if is dinner. I cringed at the thought of if we got married but I was paying for his kids needs instead of taking care of MY family. Selfish? Maybe. However, my thought was I did not work this freaking hard to go through school as long as did so I could take care of somebody else’s family? I thought I had already made a self-promise to take care of my own first (mom, dad, sister) but for me to spend 12 hours a day in the library, living off $20/week, and stay in school an extra 12 years after high school to take care of somebody else’s kids…you gotta be kdding me! You can guess what happened, I broke-up with him because it was a lot for me to deal with. Again, I am speaking from a young, Native, professional who has no kids. Maybe if I did, it would be different. But, the choice was mine and everyone does have one