50 Shades of OH HELL NO!

First off, let me start by saying “OHHHHHH HELL NO.” I know this is just a movie. I know it’s for entertainment. But, I would like to put in my two cents about this and probably turning it into a much deeper issue at hand being that this movie is for entertainment purposes. I know a lot of you ladies out there enjoyed it and so did I.

However, I had a few personal analytic points from a Native female perspective (my own). As I was sitting there and seeing Ana (female character) in movie being told what to do, get tied up, and spanked, it rubbed me the wrong way because I thought, “What if that was me?” “Would I ever do something like that and enjoy it?” And my answer was “OHHHHHHH HELL NO.” It’s not because I am judging someone else’s sexual preferences and everyone has their own practices, which I respect. But the male character was a White male and as I was thinking while watching the movie, “What if that was me?” So, in essence, I pictured of I could let a White male treat me like that? OHHHHHH HELL NO. It goes back down to historical oppression of Native peoples. White men used to “torture” us Native females back in the day and why would I think in any shape or form for that to be a turn-on, especially from a White male to a Native female? And then I thought, “What if it was from a minority man?” And my answer remained “OHHHHHHHH HELL NO.” Because coming from my community, there is an extremely high rate of domestic violence. Therefore, I still couldn’t understand how being dominated and tortured would be any different from the harsh negative realities that plague my tribal communities. Below are some statistical rates to give you a picture of violence that occurs among Native women.

 Domestic Violence/Intimate Partner Violence/Physical Assault from

https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/userfiles/file/Violence%20Against%20AI%20AN%20Women%20Fact%20Sheet.pdf

-American Indian women residing on Indian reservations suffer domestic violence and physical assault at rates far exceeding women of other ethnicities. In 2004 Department of Justice report estimates these assault rates to be as much as 50% higher than the next most victimized demographic.
-National annual incidence rates and lifetime prevalence rates for physical assaults are also higher for American Indian and Alaskan Native women compared to other women.
-In a 2008 CDC study, 39% of Native women surveyed identified as victims of intimate partner violence in their lifetime, a rate higher than any other race or ethnicity surveyed.
-According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, US Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs at least 70% of the violent victimizations experienced by American Indians are committed by persons not of the same race— a substantially higher rate of interracial violence than experienced by white or black victims
Also, as a personal trait of mine, I don’t like being dominated by men or anyone in general. It would hard for ME to be spoken to in such demeanor, nonetheless, would want to be tied-up, gagged, etc.  However, working in the sexual health field, I know people have their own preferences and that’s cool. To each their own.

Sexual Karma

It is no secret I like to talk about SEX! I work as a sexpert (sexual health educator) and I do research on sex! Not to mention I give seminars or could give seminars on how to give good oral sex to a man and what are the best sexual positions based on science! These are based on basic anatomy/physiology of males/females. I taught a sexual health class at UNLV and the curriculum I was teaching out of talked of everything from the anatomy/physiology of males/females-to-acts of sex-to-social aspects of sex. It may be weird, especially for a Navajo woman to be talking about such things because we are deemed as “shy,” and these things are not talked about in our community. But as I tell everyone, what’s the big deal, everyone has sex, it’s normal, it’s natural, and it’s a part of life.

 But, there’s a lot that comes with the act of sex as well. It comes with a lot of consequences (good/bad) and responsibility (or lack of). I read this piece and found it interesting. I would like to share it:

A woman isn't mentally or emotionally designed to have multiple sexual partners.

When a woman has sex with a guy, the act of him entering her allows his life force and energy to enter her as well. That man’s life force and energy then becomes a part of that woman’s emotional and mental character. The more of a man’s life force she takes inside of her, the more like that man she becomes. She starts to take on his ideological outlook on life, and begins to reflect the essence of who that man is. That’s why you can always tell when a woman has been with low caliber men. She’ll take on the persona and low level of energy of those men she's been with. A woman by divine design becomes a reflection of her man. Whoever is sexing her on the regular, that's the person's mindset and ideology she’ll eventually become most aligned with. And when she has multiple sex partners, she has multiple competing spiritual forces fighting inside her soul for the dominant position within her life. This duality within her ultimately leads to confusion. I know some of you ladies think you can do what men do, but you have to get on your grown woman game and think like an adult. It’s time out for thinking and acting like irresponsible teenagers. You can’t do what we do. And we can’t do what you all do. Our bodies and minds were designed differently to fulfill God’s greater purpose. This doesn't excuse men either for having loose sexual behavior. The bible makes it clear (and science corroborates) that when a man and woman join together as one: they become ONE flesh. Think about that fellas: how many women have you become one with in your lifetime? It's a scary thought, especially when you consider all the spiritual fall-out that can happen from allowing the energy of different women to join up with yours. Some of you right now can't seem to get your life on track, and you can't figure out why. You have strange pains in your body, or trouble holding down a job. You no longer sleep well at night. Your business has suddenly stagnated. Or maybe your finances never come together the way you need them to. It's because of those unbroken ties with females from your past. Some of those women you had the pleasure of banging were filled with demons: and because of that sexual act now those demons have permission to torment your life too. Sex is a very real, very serious act of sharing power. And we shouldn't treat it like kids playing with matches and gasoline.

So ladies, it’s time to stop lying to yourself about women being 'playas' like men. The only one who ends up being played in the end is YOU. And fellas: it's time to treat sex like it's more serious and precious than life or death itself. Because for many of you: it really is. Many a man is suffering the torments of hell this very moment, all because he refused to gain control over his penis when he had the chance to. Now his lust has become his eternal torment. If you don't control your penis, some woman (and the demons working through her) will destroy you THROUGH your penis. I advocate a strong healthy regimen of disciplining one's life by the teachings of Jesus Christ found in holy scripture. Not to be religious: but because IT WORKS!

The very thing many of you are running from or avoiding entirely is the very thing you need most to get your life on the right track. Stop running and give God a chance. And watch your life transform in ways you never thought possible. –Mack Major

 This Mack Major guy has so many valid points in his message. When you engage in sexual acts with another, you become united in a sacred way and exchange energy that is sacred. Therefore, I advocate for sexual responsibility. My logo for my Native youth program states, “Responsibility is Sacred.”  Also, women are the receivers and men are the givers, so us Native women have to think about these things at times. And if you don’t know that person well, he/she may have characteristics and do things that are immoral and he/she may give you that “bad” energy. In essence, there is sexual karma!! So be careful who you lay down with my friends. Sex is sacred.

Sloppy Seconds

I met a guy around the time I first moved here to Vegas. He originally lived in the east coast but would come to Vegas for work frequently for months at a time. He was tall, dark, handsome, polite, educated, well-dress/groomed, and had a very good job. We would go out on dates and hang-out. He wanted more but I just wasn’t ready but I enjoyed his company nonetheless. But, every time he came back to Vegas for work, we would always meet up and kick it. He told me he was divorced and had a daughter. At one point I thought I should give this dude a real chance.

 

THEN, I got a phone call and it was this dudes WIFE. Like, he was full-on married! However, even if the case were if a man was separated, going through a divorce, etc..he was still MARRIED at the end of the day. I talked to his wife, didn’t rat him out, but assured nothing was going on between us because although we kicked it, nothing serious was happening.  I immediately texted the dude and told him he was the scum of the earth, he’s a liar, I feel bad for his wife, and to never-ever..ever-ever-ever contact me again because he disgusted me!!!! He left me alone for about 3 months and then he texted me again saying I was the most amazing woman he ever met and he still wanted to be a part of my life. I looked at my phone and thought “BYE FELCIA.” I never responded.

 

I don’t know if it’s just me or I presume to be judgmental but why would I want another woman’s man?! Ewww. I’d rather be single. I don’t want to be your “sloppy seconds.”  Also, I have been cheated on before and that sucks. I wouldn’t want to partake in any type of situation where someone may get hurt because it happened to me before. I understood that prior to me knowing he was married was not my fault because I had no idea. But, after that phone call, after me finding out he was married, it become my responsibility to walk away, because he obviously wasn’t responsible/respectful enough to make that decision. But I was.

 

I don’t understand women who WANT to date/talk to/mess around with men who are in a relationship (married or not) when they know he is. Don’t worry ladies, I am not forgetting about who the REAL asshole is in this situation, it definitely is the man in the relationship, and I didn’t forget that. But, as females aren’t’ we enabling him to treat other women like this if we know he’s in a relationship but still continue to date/talk/mess around with? Where is our self-esteem to know we can find a man who is not taken? Where is our self-confidence to know we deserve better? Where is our self-respect as Native women, to know this is wrong? Where is our dignity? I mean are we sometimes that desperate to need attention that bad that we feel we can ‘borrow’ it for the time being?

 

Not to mention, if he leaves her to be with you, would you trust him? Because if he cheated on his ex with you, who’s to say he wouldn’t cheat on you with another girl? The relationship already started off with bad energy, lies, deceit, and disrespect.